


Star Trek: The Continued Adventures

by RileyWilliamsJr



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: (generally), Angst, Canon Compliant, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Multi, Science Fiction & Fantasy, episodic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22390762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RileyWilliamsJr/pseuds/RileyWilliamsJr
Summary: Space: the final frontier. These are the other voyages of the Starship Enterprise, which took place in between the various events of the original series. These accounts have been assembled, based on ship surveillance as well as the reports, logs, and testimonies of the crew.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk & Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Spock
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23





	1. Turnabout

"Captain's log, stardate 1317.9."

The captain's whole body let out an exhausted sigh as he crumpled to the side of his chair, resting a weary brow against his fist. Looking around listlessly, he saw mirror images all across the bridge, crewmen slumping in their chairs or dazedly punching buttons on control panels. Except Spock, of course. His back was rigid as ever as he peered down into bluish light that made his hair look even blacker than usual.

"The crew… needs rest. Concentration's ebbing and tempers are wearing thin. We've been promised shore leave soon, but who knows when 'soon' will be. For now, we're going to focus on our analysis of this planetary system—which seems pretty routine so far, even if it is in uncharted territory."

He clicked the log off with unnecessary force and leaned back, sighing again.

"Captain," said Spock softly, as if trying to avoid grating on Kirk's nerves.

"What is it?"

"Detecting unusual energy readings, sir."

"From the surface?"

"From underground. There would seem to be several large hollows deep within the planet; readings are emanating from those locations."

"These hollows… were they naturally or artificially produced?"

"Unknown at this time, sir."

"Well, keep looking. Alert me if you find anything. I'll be in my quarters, talking to Starfleet. Again." 

He gave his friend a disgruntled look and spread his hands in futility. Spock said nothing, but Kirk knew he was understood. Before making it to the turbolift, he turned abruptly and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Oh, and—" He waved his hand absently. "You have the conn."

His friend watched him leave with something like concern.

Stepping onto the correct floor—he hoped—Kirk almost walked right into some idiotic yeoman trying to offer him a PADD and stylus. 

"Wha—"

"Sorry, sir. Just something for you to sign."

"I— ugh. Where's Rand? Doesn't she usually deliver this stuff?"

"Dunno, sir."

"Of course not."

"She just said to give it to the captain right away."

"Right. Okay, fine." He took it, a little roughly, and continued down the hall.

He groaned, immediately feeling sorry for the guy. He was just doing his job. 

He turned wearily after a few steps. "Hey, yeo—" But he was already gone.

Kirk sighed again, hoping he would be able to recognize the man next time he ran into him so he could apologize. He hadn't deserved that.

When he reached his quarters, he literally fell asleep on his bed, no time even to remember the situation with Starfleet.

\- - -

"Ah, Jesus."

McCoy awoke to find his temple stuck to a hard surface. Where had he fallen asleep this time? His desk? The lab? The mess? or…

"Sickbay."

His voice even sounded groggy. Lifting his head with great effort, he pried his eyes open and rubbed them irritably, squinting against the sudden blast of light. He was right, sickbay again. His eyes adjusted to the brightness remarkably quickly, however. Bet the lights are worn out again. Better get 'em replaced soon.

He stood with little effort, as if he hadn't been sleeping at his desk all night. Maybe I'm not gettin' so old after all. He went about his work quickly, hoping none of the nurses would notice he'd slept here when they came in for the morning's shift. And when they did get here, he'd give 'em hell for turning off whatever they did to make it so damn cold in here.

Oh, there's Chapel. Right on time. He hoped he looked busy.

"Doctor," she started, staring down at data of some kind. "Have you-"

She looked up and stopped abruptly. "Oh."

That bad, huh?

"Sorry," she continued, exuding nervousness. "I was looking for Dr. McCoy. He's probably fallen asleep in the lab again."

She started to turn back around, but he stopped her. "Very funny. Come back here, Nurse."

He coughed slightly. His voice was still tired—had he caught something?

Poor Christine looked even more confused, for some reason. "Mr.—?"

"Well, go on, what'd you need to see me about?"

She took a few slow steps toward him. "Are… you alright?"

McCoy gave an exaggerated sigh. "Yes, Chapel, I'm in sickbay because I work here. What is it? I'm gettin' old over here."

"You—"

Whatever this is, it's startin' to get on my nerves.

"If you don't out with it in just a damn minute, I'm gonna have to—"

"Doctor McCoy?"

McCoy eyeballed her for a minute before responding, "Well, who the hell else—"

Chapel covered her mouth, eyes widening, which actually started to worry him. He could practically feel the shock coming from her in waves, especially when he reached out to touch her shoulder gently and began, "Now what is—" But he couldn't finish.

Long, pale fingers had brushed against the sleeve of her dress—not his.

"What in the name of—"

He brought his hands up to his face, staring intently. These were definitely not his. But who… And for that matter, how?

He gingerly reached up to touch where his face should have been, but found one that was slenderer, more angular. Even his hair was rigid, straight and blunt; he pushed it back away from his forehead, only to brush against the tip of a pointed ear.

"I'm gonna kill him," he said matter-of-factly.

Chapel had not removed her gaze.

\- - -

"SPOCK!"

It was unnecessary for him to speculate as to who might be attempting to contact him—the better question was how the doctor had managed to locate him so quickly.

Spock pressed a button on the lab's table. "Yes, Doctor?"

"You better tell me what you did in about five seconds, or I'm gonna come down there and rip off your pointed—"

While the doctor was re-evaluating his statement, Spock took the opportunity to assure him that "I did not, in fact, do anything, doctor. I am currently attempting to identify a remedy for our current situation, so if you would make your way to the lab, your assistance would be useful."

"Wait—our situation?"

"You did not imagine, did you, that you could occupy my body while I also retain the use of it?"

There was a pause on the other end.

"You mean you have mine?"

"I believe I said that."

Spock cut off the transmission before the doctor could waste any more time with his complaints and colorful metaphors. He knew, of course, that he would be arriving shortly.

"Dammit, Spock!" came the reply, much earlier than expected.

He raised an eyebrow. "It appears I overestimated the time it would take you to—"

Spock narrowed his eyes and adopted an even stricter posture as if to compensate for the undisciplined way that McCoy was inhabiting his body.

"Did you run here?" he asked wearily.

"You bet I did!" The doctor grinned with a face unused to the gesture, and Spock winced internally. "I'm not even outta breath!"

Spock looked up, back down, returned to the computer.

"I have been running tests—"

"Find anything?"

"Negative."

… "Please cease your staring."

"Sorry. What on Earth could've caused somethin' like this?"

"Evidently, doctor, and obviously, nothing on Earth, as we are light years—"

"It's a figure of speech, you green-blooded hobgoblin!"

"Ordinarily, I would be extremely satisfied with the fact that my internal anatomy differs from yours, but on this occasion, doctor, I would like to point out your error, as I am not, at this moment, green-blooded."

The doctor had still failed to notice the yeoman who had walked in moments before, standing in the doorway as if waiting for an opening.

"Yeah, well," McCoy blustered. "At least I'm not a computer who—"

"Gentlemen!" announced the stranger loudly. "What's going on here?"

Both men looked, surprised at his manner.

"May I ask—"; "Who in the hell—"

The crewman squinted, puzzled, then spread his arms with a charismatic grin.

"I don't know what you two are trying to do here, but although it's extremely entertaining, I—"

The doctor was growing more and more vexed with the young man's audacity, but Spock stopped him with a gesture of his hand and stepped forward, approaching the newcomer slowly as if analyzing him. He stared into the man's face wordlessly for a few moments before— "Captain?"

The man struck his forehead with an open palm. "I forgot! Look, I know I look different, but I swear—"

Looking between Spock and McCoy, he seemed to fully realize the gravity of the situation. "Wait—did you guys get switched too?"

McCoy grinned mischievously, to which Spock responded with a non-expression that in no way resembled a glower.

"Whoa …" the captain circled them, staring, then halted inches in front of his First Officer, his new eye level slightly lower than Kirk was accustomed to. "Wait. How'd you know it was me?"

He was addressing Spock now, staring in bafflement at the familiar stoic expression superimposed on Bones' normally gruff face, which made him seem at once younger and, impossibly, even less approachable than usual. Beside Spock-McCoy stood his inverse, the elegant features he knew as well as his own contorted into McCoy's habitual grimace, edged with amusement as the real Spock looked elsewhere, seemingly configuring a response to Kirk's question. After a moment, his confidence returned and his eyebrow lifted subtly.

"Simple logic, of course," he answered.

"I gotta hear this." McCoy rolled Spock's eyes, an uncanny gesture.

Kirked smirked. "Yeah, Spock, how'd you manage that?"

His friend straightened in attempt to reclaim his usual height advantage—probably an unconscious adjustment, in fact. Fas— … Interesting.

"Captain," he answered in feigned frustration, "You are the only man I know who walks into every room as if it is his own."

McCoy laughed unexpectedly—a short sound, unrecognizable in that deep voice. "He's got you there, Jim."

"Well, I am the captain," Kirk replied defensively, still staring at McCoy-Spock.

No one moved.

"We'd better get you both fixed fast," he remarked. "I don't think I can handle this much longer."

"You think you've got the short end of the stick?" Bones retorted. "I'm freezing over here!"

\- - -

"This is bad. This is really bad."

… "Captain, may I request that you refrain from pacing."

"Sorry."

Kirk shook his head quickly as if to rid it of water, made his way back to the chair, hovered over it for a moment, then resumed his march back and forth across the lab. Spock did not sigh, although he was tempted to when McCoy ran his hands through his hair for the fifth time that day; it was oddly … disconcerting, to see himself in such a state of disarray. He would not protest, however, as he was fairly certain that the Doctor persisted in this behavior largely to annoy him, and Spock refused to be annoyed.

"We ought to go to the bridge," he said instead. This blind grasping was getting them nowhere.

Suddenly, he has his companions' full attention.

"What?!" bellowed McCoy, then winced at his own deafening tone. Spock was suddenly more content with his new, less sensitive human ears. 

"Like this?" the doctor continued momentarily. "Tell me, Spock, how exactly do you plan on explaining us?"

"Firstly," Spock began wearily, "I find it difficult to believe that we are the only ones affected by this bizarre development. And in either case, we will soon be missed if we are not at our posts. As a matter of fact, it is surprising that neither Lieutenant Uhura nor Lieutenant Commander Scott has yet attempted to ascertain our location."

Kirk groaned. "He's right, Bones, as usual."

"Well, at least I don't have to come up there with you. I'm needed in sickbay."

Kirk grinned. "Oh, no, doctor, you're coming too. You can't possibly heal anyone in your condition."

McCoy sighed. "Nah, you're right. They'd book it outta there at the first sign o' me."

Following them to the turbolift, Spock wondered if the doctor had indeed willingly subjected himself to this for the sole purpose of taking advantage of an opportunity for an insult. The matter would need to be investigated further.

\- - -

"Meester Spock!" yelled Sulu as he came scrambling down the hall. "Vee haf a zerious problem!"

When he reached Doctor McCoy, who he had obviously and reasonably mistaken for Spock, he bent over his knees, panting and holding up a finger. McCoy backed up slightly in alarm, but obviously-not-Sulu didn't seem to notice.

"Chekov?" Kirk asked incredulously.

Clearly failing to recognize the captain, he turned back to who he thought was Spock and continued breathlessly, "Yes, I know, trust me. I don't know vat happened, but somesing happened to Sulu and me and—"

McCoy preemptively interrupted what was certain to be a long-winded non-explanation. 

"Yeah, kid, we know," he assured him. "It happened to us, too. Spock's over here, and that there's the captain."

Sulu's mouth gaped in a very Chekov-like way. "Keptin? Vat do ve do?!"

"Relax, Pavel," Kirk answered reassuringly, gripping his shoulders. "We're working on it. Do you know who else has been affected?"

"Geez," interjected McCoy. "I hope whatever this is isn't contagious."

At Chekov's panicked expression, Kirk shot a glare at the doctor.

"I … don't know, Keptin," he answered hesitantly. "Ze two of us haf been running around all morning looking for you."

"All right. Find Sulu and meet us on the bridge—we're gonna find out what's down on that planet."

After a last stunned look between Spock and McCoy, Chekov took off in the opposite direction.

As the three entered the turbolift, Spock straightened and McCoy made a low sound of amusement at his friend's predicament, but wisely made no comment.

Scotty occupied the captain's chair when they arrived—at least someone had managed to set things in order before the bridge crew had begun running about the ship. 

"There y'are, Mr. Spock," he said, standing. "I best get down tae the engine room before some idiot makes the bairns explode."

"I'm afraid, Mr. Scott," Spock responded, "that will have to wait. It appears we have a situation."

The entire bridge turned to stare; McCoy's uncomfortable smile was decidedly unhelpful. Before Kirk could say anything to prevent it, everyone had jumped up and there was a great deal of shouting. After a few seconds of this, buttons also began flashing and beeps mixed themselves in with the rest of the chaos.

"Will everybody SHUT UP!" McCoy bellowed, and Spock's voice echoed around the room in the sudden silence. "It's too damn loud in here," he muttered.

"Really?" Spock asked innocently. "I am finding it rather difficult to hear you."

McCoy glowered at him intently, but Spock pretended not to notice.

Suppressing a snort, Kirk took the opportunity to explain the situation as best he could, with Spock's periodic assistance.

"We're not moving from this planet," he concluded, "until we figure out what's going on here."

With a swoosh, the doors to the turbolift opened to usher in yet more irregularity.

"Sulu—I mean, Chekov, there you are. Did you find Sulu?"

"Them too?" exclaimed Scotty. "Tha's jus great."

"Yes, Keptin," Chekov-Sulu answered. "He vas wery excited ven I told him zat ze doctor and Meester Spock had been switched, too."

\- - -

"Have you found out anything else about those energy readings you saw earlier?"  
Spock could tell the captain was agitated, and the doctor's obnoxious presence on the bridge was not overly helpful.

"Negative, captain. However, I find it unlikely that they were the source of our current predicament."

Kirk smiled at him, obviously attempting to 'lighten the mood'. "'Unlikely', Spock? That's unusually imprecise of you."

Spock looked up and raised an eyebrow. "I would estimate the probability is …" His eyebrows furrowed for a fraction of a second before he turned his face away to continue his investigation of the planet. "—low."

"Low? Are you trying to—" He stopped himself, seeming to realize that something was amiss. "Spock, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is 'wrong', Captain," he replied calmly, "I simply do not have the equipment to perform that function at this time."

"Function," McCoy mouthed to himself with an eye-roll, but was ignored.

Kirk would not drop the subject. "What do you mean, 'equipment'? I've seen you do it in your head a million times."

Spock resigned himself to the discussion. "That is true, but as you can see I am not currently in possession of 'my head', as you put it."

The doctor stared. "Wait—does that mean I can do that now?" 

He squinted furiously, small creases forming on the bridge of his nose, as if he believed he could conjure up the requested probability by magic.

"I am afraid not, Doctor," Spock remarked as he returned to stare down into the familiar blue light. "While you do have my more efficient brain, you yourself lack the logical capability to assemble the necessary equation."

"Now see here—" McCoy began, but Kirk interrupted him. 

"Interesting. So our brains didn't transfer, it's something else … The soul, perhaps?" he speculated, hand outstretched.

"I'm a scientist too, you know," McCoy grumbled in the background, still stuck on Spock's earlier comment.

"I believe so, sir." Spock ignored the doctor. "Our 'katras', as Vulcans call them, have evidently been scrambled independently of the bodies to which they belong. While inconvenient, it is nonetheless quite—"

"Spock," growled McCoy, "if you say it's fascinating, I swear to god I'll smash both your heads together!"

Kirk and Spock fell silent then, seemingly considering the weight of the doctor's threat. Considering that he now possessed the full strength of a young Vulcan, they elected to discontinue their conversation.

"Why us?" the captain mused, sitting back down in his chair. "Spock and Bones, Sulu and Chekov, me and this yeoman whose name I don't even know …" He paused. "There's a guy, somewhere on this ship, who looks just like me. And I don't think we're the only ones, either."

Kirk shook his head and turned to Uhura, thinking. "Lieutenant Uhura, I need you to open a shipwide channel. Order anyone who's suffering from … a bizarre condition, of any kind, to go down to sickbay immediately. I have a sneaking suspicion that people have been hiding in their quarters."

Moving towards the door, he called, "Spock, Bones, let's go. We're gonna get to the bottom of this."

\- - -

McCoy shivered again as the three of them sat in sickbay, the doctor examining an unfortunate married couple who had been interposed overnight.

Kirk looked at him incredulously. "Spock, are you really this cold all the time?"

McCoy snorted. "Typical. I'm freezin' my ass off, and you worry about him."

"Doctor McCoy simply lacks the self-discipline to suppress his discomfort, as he fails to realize that it is a thing of the mind."

McCoy turned to scowl at him. "Now just what is that supposed to mean?"

"I merely state facts, Doctor."

All medicine forgotten, McCoy left his tricorder with the bemused couple and used his extra inches of height to loom over Spock, the aggressive posture and expression combining with Spock's already-imposing figure to appear rather frightening; Spock, however, was not fazed. Staring defiantly into his own eyes, he linked his hands behind his back as the doctor spluttered at him.

"Facts, Spock? Oh, I bet you know all about facts. Now that your precious numbers are gone, that's all you have left, isn't it?"

"Doctor, I am well aware that you are, for some reason, attempting to elicit an emotional response from me, however—"

"No, I don't think so, Spock. You can't read my mind anymore! Don't even bother trying to tell me what I'm doing."

"It would not be so easy for me to 'read your mind', as you put it, if you did not simply exude every emotion that crosses your mind. My considerable mental barriers are barely sufficient protection against your veritable waves of illogic."

McCoy smiled. "You forget I have an advantage—I've got your brain, and you and I both know what's stored in there."

"I was unaware that you, too, had been able to access the foremost host memories, and am frankly surprised that—"

"I wouldn't go there if I were you, Spock. You see, I know exactly how you feel about—"

"And I know what really took place on Alpha—"

"All right, all right!" McCoy resolved to shut up; Spock refrained from protesting the use of the word 'feel' for fear of provoking him once more.

The two stared each other down for a few seconds before Kirk broke the silence.

"Don't stop now, it was just getting interesting." He grinned. "You two are worse than them, you know that?" He was pointing at the couple that McCoy had left, who were already busy arguing intently in low voices, fur bristling.

His expression changed as he stared at them. "Maybe it wasn't random …"

Spock stepped towards him. "Captain?"

Kirk turned back to his friends. "This yeoman—" he gestured vaguely at himself— "I've only seen him once or twice, but last night, I yelled at him in the hallway. And then you two … You're fighting constantly, so it's a pretty good bet you were doing it yesterday too."

At this, McCoy looked slightly sheepish; Spock's mind was too busy whirring to notice.

"I understand," he said slowly. "It seems likely that those two crewmen were also engaged in an argument of some kind, as well as the few others we have seen."

"But what about Chekov and Sulu?" the doctor contested. "They never fight."

"You're right …" He paused before decisively marching to the intercom on the wall. "We'll just have to ask them."

Click.

"Sulu here," said a voice much higher than Sulu's.

"Is Chekov still with you?"

"Yes, Keptin," came the distant reply.

"Good." Kirk leaned against the grey wall. "What were you guys doing yesterday, the last time you saw each other?"

"Uh …"

"Oh yeah! We were sparring. Fencing, in the rec room. Why?"

"We're just down here developing theories," the captain answered. "I'll let you know when we have anything definite." 

He clicked the button again as McCoy sighed, "So they weren't fighting. Guess that theory's out."

Kirk sat down, pensive. "No, I don't think so, Bones. They weren't arguing, true, but they were fighting."

"This is valuable data," Spock observed, continuing the thought. "If your conjecture is true, captain, that would mean that a fallible entity is responsible for this."

"Exactly," Kirk agreed. "Whoever it was … misinterpreted."

"Even if you're right," sighed McCoy, "Why did he do it? Revenge? Instigation? Some confused kiss-and-make-up?"

The captain demonstrated the emptiness of his hands. "Who knows? Either way, it looks like the best way to subvert it is to stop it at the cause." 

He made his way back to the intercom, followed by McCoy. "What does that mean?"

"Lt. Uhura?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Patch me in to shipwide, will you?"

"Yes, sir, hold on. You're on in three … two …"

"This is the captain speaking; we have a situation. Some members of the crew have been … attacked, with minor effects, by an alien force. There's no need for alarm, however. It appears the alien focuses exclusively on pairs of people who were recently engaged in some type of altercation, physical or verbal. That's why it's imperative that no one do anything remotely aggressive, like yell, fight, spar, or argue—even in a friendly way—until we get this under control. Don't even glare! The security officers are ordered to confine to quarters anyone who even remotely approaches this. If you're not on shift, or if you don't think you can contain yourself, please remain in your quarters as a preventative measure. This is serious, but we can handle it. It's vital that everyone remain calm. Thank you."

Turning from the wall, he regarded his two best friends with a worried look. They looked at each other, wondering what Kirk was scheming about.

The captain pointed at them. "I'm your new chaperone."

McCoy groaned and left for the adjacent room.

"You know you'd mess everything up if I left you alone!" Kirk shouted after him.

\- - -

McCoy-Spock brought two coffees back to the table in the conference room—deciding that isolation was best, he, Spock, and the captain had started camping out in here during the day. The other two were going to go back to the bridge, but Kirk didn't seem to think McCoy could refrain from starting a brawl if he wasn't supervised.

"Thanks, Bones," Kirk said wearily as he accepted a cup from the doctor, lifting his head up from his arm. He looked up. "Why do you even need this? You look perfectly fine."

McCoy shrugged as he sat across from him. "Yeah, I feel great. Just bored." Forgetting he did not need to whisper—Spock could not possibly hear him from across the room today—he added,   
"Maybe this green stuff in my veins really does have its perks."

Grinning, he took a sip—and spat it violently out. "Ugh!"

Confused, Kirk looked at his own half-downed drink. "What the hell's the matter, Bones?"  
"Jesus!" was all the doctor would say.

At the commotion, Spock approached. "Vulcans do not taste sugar in the same way as humans do," he explained. "It is also mildly toxic, so I suggest you forgo it until we solve our current predicament."

"Why didn't you warn me?" McCoy demanded.

Spock started to reply, but all of a sudden his eyes went glassy and he staggered forward as if about to faint.

"Spock!" Kirk yelled, somehow managing to catch him by the shoulders.

It proved unnecessary; he caught his own balance just in time and gently removed his friend's hands, careful—out of habit—to avoid making direct contact with his skin. He then looked down at himself as if confused. 

"Fascinating."

"Dammit, Spock!"

"Sh!" Kirk put an urgent finger to his lips, warning the doctor to remember the alien force.  
Turning back to Spock, he remarked, "No wonder though, you look terrible. When was the last time you ate? Or slept?"

Spock regarded him quizzically.

"You do know," sighed McCoy, "that you need to sleep?"

The first officer's spine straightened, head lifting minutely. "Vulcans do not require the amount of food or sleep that humans do. Simple meditation-"

"Jesus, Spock!" exclaimed McCoy with a hand to his face. "What the hell-" He cut himself at Kirk's glare, then took a deep breath before continuing. "You know you have to rest. You don't have your bizarre physiology to help you right now, and don't pretend you didn't know what the consequences would be. Now get to your quarters and don't come out until you quit makin' me look even older than usual."

No one moved as the captain attempted to suppress a smirk at what he recognized as 'the doctor voice'.

"That's an order, Spock!"

Spock shot a glance at Kirk as if asking for help, but he just shrugged helplessly.

"Doctor, I would oblige, but as you can see, the captain's peace strategy has not, as of yet, been effective, and I must continue my search before—"

"Spock!" The doctor's familiar glower appeared on Spock's face, now with the advantage of black eyes and a few extra inches. "Out!"

With a slight exhalation and a glance toward the ceiling, Spock made for the door.

"If I find out you've been on the computer…!" McCoy threatened vaguely.

"He's right, you know," Kirk observed after the door had shut behind him. "I thought maybe if we could placate whoever did this…but I haven't heard any reports of violence, and you've been good, so why has nothing happened for two whole days?"

"I'm telling you, Jim, I don't think it's gonna do any good. I think they always intended on leaving us like this."

"That can't happen."

McCoy shot him a disapproving look. "And what exactly do you plan on doing about it?" Reluctantly, he added, "Especially with the hobgoblin gone."

Kirk waved that argument away. "He would've been useless in that condition anyway."

There was a pause.

"You're gonna try and talk to them, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

\- - -

"Anything, Uhura?"

"Sorry, sir. I'm broadcasting in all known languages and codes, but I'm not hearing anything."

"Chekov?"

"Nossing here, Keptin. Like Meester Spock saw earlier, vatever vas there before ees gone."

"Damn. We're gonna have to go down there."

"Keptin?"

"Uhura, try and collect everybody that came to sick bay the other day, everybody who got switched. We're doing this once and we're doing it now."

"Yes, Captain."

\- - -

"Come on, Bones!

"Just what makes you think it's a good idea to beam all your top officers and your CMO and some random crewmen—two trips, mind you—down to an unexplored planet in the maybe you'll find whoever did this and that, for some reason, they'd want to help you fix it?"

"You got a better idea?"

The intercom chirped. 

"Kirk here."

"Captain, Spock isn't responding. Would you like me to send someone—"

"No, it's alright, Lieutenant. I'll go check on him. Is everyone else in the transporter room?"

"Yes sir, except for Dr. McCoy."

"He's coming. Kirk out."

The two exchanged a worried look.

"You better be standing on that transporter pad when Spock and I get down there," the captain ordered." And when you get there, tell 'em to give me five minutes."

\- - -

There was no answer when Kirk buzzed the door to Spock's quarters, so he called out to him—still nothing. He was considering resorting to the use of his override code when he realized that the door had not even been locked. 

"Spock?" he asked quietly when it slid open.

A flood of light entered the room as he entered almost gingerly, and when the door closed behind him everything was dim, only visible thanks to a red glow from his bedchamber. 

"S—"

Spock was sleeping, like he was supposed to; the exhaustion must have gotten to him after all. It was McCoy's face he saw looking down, but it held a stoic expression, even in sleep, that the doctor had never known, as well as something else—a slight furrowing of the brows, as if in pain. Kirk wanted to leave him be, but he needed him, and he was anxious to see his face again, as he had known it. 

"Hey. Wake up," he said, then again, louder. This isn't gonna work, he's out cold.  
At least his telepathy was significantly restricted, Kirk thought as he hesitated, briefly, then took Spock by the shoulder gently. 

"Spock." He shook him a little harder, and was beginning to wonder if he was in one of his healing trances when his friend did not stir in the slightest.

Suddenly, however, there was an iron grip on his wrist, and Kirk was immediately glad that his strength was reduced, as he was obviously exerting all or most of his force. Spock-McCoy sat up, rod-straight, within an instant, blue eyes as intense as his black ones ever were.

"It's okay—Spock, it's me. Spock."

It was clear that he was, for a moment, unable to recognize his captain in his new form, but his voice called him back to reality and the hand left his wrist as abruptly as it had been placed there.

"Captain. My apologies, I had momentarily forgotten—"

"It's fine, Spock." He resisted the urge to rub his arm. "Are you okay? You've been dead to the world…"

"Of course, Captain." He looked around suddenly, seeming to wonder how he had got in.

"You left the door unlocked. Sorry, but I had to come get you. We're beaming down to the planet soon, to try and make contact with whoever did this."

"Yes, sir." Spock attempted to smooth McCoy's hair down as if it were his own, but it did not cooperate, and he was distracted from his efforts by Kirk's evident pain. "Captain, I—"

"Stop, Spock."

\- - -

When they at last reached the transporter room, the first six crewmen had already beamed down.

"There you are!" McCoy remarked as he took his place on a transporter pad. "Come on, this is everyone now."

"The entity would seem to have limited capacity if only twelve of us were affected—there must certainly have been more arguments than that on a ship of four hundred at any given time."

"I see he's back to his old self."

"Not quite," said Kirk. "But he will be in a minute, and so will the rest of us. Energize."

\- - -

The surface of the planet was composed almost entirely of grey desert speckled by rocks and minute shrubs, and the sky was more white than blue—breathable, however, as they had discovered early on. Now that they were here in the flesh, Kirk felt a little foolish. Had he expected whoever did this to just show up? They are here, though, he was certain now. Something lived there, below the surface.

"We're all here now," he called out vaguely. "Happy?" He was aware they could not possibly hear him, but perhaps they possessed some sort of telepathy, or at least a security system of some kind.

It was then that the captain spotted himself standing near the edge of the group. 

"Yeoman," he called. "Or should I say, Captain." He grinned, but quickly sobered up. "Look, I'm sorry about snapping at you like that. Everyone's been on edge lately, but that's no excuse."  
He watched himself shake his head. "No, Captain, you don't need to apologize. I know you're under a lot of pressure, I'm amazed how calm you are all the time. I don't blame you, really."

Before Kirk could think of anything to say to that, everything shifted. The air ceased to move, and grew heavier, and when he looked around they were in a cave of some sort, an unknown light source thoroughly illuminating the area.

"Uh…Spock?"

"Readings coming in now, Captain. I believe we are beneath the planet's surface."

"How-"

But as if in response to his unasked question, something appeared. And then a few more of them. The one closest to him fizzed with electricity that he could feel on his skin and in his hair; it resembled a conglomeration of static shocks, or a thousand tiny lightning storms, and he heard a voice from all directions. They are the energy readings, he realized.

"Why have you come here, all of you?"

"Did you do this?" the captain demanded, attempting not to sound too hostile.

"We are the ones who sentenced you."

"Sentence- you mean this is our punishment?"

"Affirmative."

"For what? What did we do to you?"

"Not to us," the entity corrected, "to each other. Hostility is not permitted in this realm."

"We'll leave!" promised Kirk. "If you just switch us back, we'll never bother you again."

"You have been fittingly punished. It is done."

"What right-"

Before the captain exploded, Spock stepped up beside him. "Captain." He nodded towards the entities, and Kirk made a gesture that said, Jump in.

"Your analysis is flawed," said Spock simply.

"We have observed in detail."

"You are not familiar with human custom; your test is therefore flawed."

"Explain."

"You have seen, but you have not understood. I propose an intermediary."

"Spock!" interrupted the captain in a whisper, realizing his plan. "What are you doing?"

Ignoring him, save a brief glance of reassurance, Spock continued.

"In my own body, I am telepathic. I can give you the lens through which you must look in order to determine the true state of affairs."

The entities drew closer together and, touching, sparked. Communication? Kirk wondered.

"How are we to know this is no ruse?"

"My aim is to restore all of my companions, not myself alone."

They seemed to consider.

"We shall accept, under one condition. Rather than transposing the two of you, we shall restore you and keep the other, safely outside his own body, as insurance."

"Do it, Spock!" ordered McCoy before anyone had a chance to respond. "I need to get out of here, even if it is into a box or something."

Spock turned to the three entities. "He will be safe until the process is complete?"

"He will. Are you prepared to serve as the representative for your companions, in order to prove a lack of ill will?"

"I am."

"Spock!"

"Captain, no one else could transmit the information to their satisfaction. They obviously have a limited capacity to understand aliens such as ourselves."

Before he could protest further - although Spock was right, of course - McCoy's body slumped against him, and he lowered him gently to the ground. Kneeling, he saw Spock's appearance suddenly shift, and he was filled with relief that his friend had returned.

"Show us each of them," commanded the entities, "beginning with the one that we have taken."

Wordlessly, Spock stretched a hand toward them, coming close but not making contact, and concentrated in order to project across the space.

Not a minute had passed when the first entity stated, "You may cease projection."

Spock's hand fell, and the other went to his temple; Kirk found himself standing beside him before he even realized he had moved. 

"Your claims have been proven, and confirmed," acknowledged one of the entities. "We shall release you."

In a matter of seconds everyone was staggering about the cave, jolted back into themselves with a mixture of relief and exhaustion.

"We regret that we have needlessly detained you. You shall be returned to your ship."

"Thank you," Kirk answered, but they were already in the transporter room.

"You alright, Bones?"

As answer, he said loudly, "Everybody. Sickbay. Now."

"God, it's hot in here," he added on his way out.

He's fine.

\- - -

"So, Spock…"

"On course, Captain. Readings unchanged."

"We have a… scientific question, Spock," added McCoy.

Spock turned from his post. "Hello, Doctor. I was under the impression that you had remained in sickbay.

"Quit changin' the subject. We want to ask you somethin'."

"I see."

Kirk perched himself on the railing. "We're all curious… what did you show those 'entities' down there?"

"Just what I said I would show them."

"Proof, right. But what exactly did they see?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I fail to understand your aim, Captain."

"You had to show them you had no 'ill will' towards any of us," the doctor chimed in. "How'd you do that?"

"I demonstrated the absence of that emotion."

"You can't demonstrate an absence, Spock," Kirk interjected, "I know that as well as you do."

"So what did you tell them?" McCoy demanded. "How you really feel about us?"

"Vulcans do not have 'feelings', Doctor."

"I may not be in your head anymore, but I do remember what I saw there."

"You merely filtered logical processes through your human mind which, failing to understand them, misinterpreted them as something more familiar."

"Pretty sure you didn't send some damn mathematical equations to those guys down on the planet."

"Mathematics and logic, though related, are not the same thing, Doctor."

"You really didn't send them feelings, then?" asked Kirk.

"Of course not, Captain. I find these accusations not only preposterous—"

"You know I'm pretty good at poker, eh Spock?"

He raised both eyebrows now. "I fail to see what relevance-"

"Because the tips of your ears turn green when you lie."

After a second, Spock replied, "Vulcans do not have 'tells', Captain, and neither do we lie."

Kirk and McCoy simply ambled back towards the turbolift; when Kirk saw him reach hesitantly for the point of his ear, he considered the argument won.


	2. Yesterday Is Tomorrow

"Keptin…" started Chekov when the ship was hurled out through the other end of the wormhole. "Vere are ve?"

Spock answered for him, having already begun working on interpreting the data coming in from the area and cross-referencing it with registered star charts. "It appears, Captain, that we have not in fact moved."

Kirk stood as if to verify that the planet that should have been there was really as gone as it appeared to be, then looked confusedly at his first officer. "Then where did the planet go?"

"Evidently it has continued in its revolution around its sun, but I cannot estimate how many times this has taken place."

"Uh…" Sulu answered. "I think I can." He directed everyone's attention to the chronometer, which was only now slowing down to a normal speed. "It's moving forward!" he exclaimed.

Spock stood to look at him. "Given that that is the usual course of things, may I presume that it is doing so at an unusual rate?"

Kirk glared. "Spock, this is serious."

The science officer moved down the steps to join him beside Sulu's station, all three watching the chronometer. "Of course, Captain. However, I can find no reason for alarm. We can simply return to our time in the same fashion in which we have explored the past, as we have have only been launched forward approximately 1.685 centuries."

"Only?!"

The intercom chirped before the captain had a chance to answer. 

"Kirk here."

"Cap'n, we have a problem." It was Mr. Scott - with bad news, no doubt.

"What is it, Scotty?"

"Is' the dilithium crystals, sir. They've been burnt out."

"What, all of them?"

"All 'cept one, sir. An' it's barely holdin' up as it is. We shouldna try for more than warp two until we get a replacement."

The captain sighed. "Acknowledged. Kirk out."

"Captain Kirk, there's a ship approaching!" Uhura alerted him.

"Have they seen us?"

"Not according to their transmissions."

"Sulu, take evasive action. When they're out of range, try and tail them at warp two."

"Captain?"

He grimaced. "That ship there is the only source of dilithium in this sector. Let's just hope they're heading for that planet, otherwise we'll never catch up."

"Theft, Captain?" Spock asked quietly as they watched and waited, following what they could now see was a Starfleet ship remarkably similar to their own.

Kirk turned to look at him; he did not appear so much perturbed by the prospect as curious.

"I'm all out of poker ideas," Kirk admitted. "Sorry to disappoint."

"No," he agreed. "I believe we have now moved on to the realm of sports."

\- - -

"Take us into orbit around that moon, Navigator."

"Yes, sir."

"At this rate, we should stay out of that ship's scanning range, but keep an eye on it and make sure we stay on the dark side, got it? And, you have the conn."

"Captain?" Sulu turned as Kirk and Spock entered the turbolift.

"We're gonna beam onto that ship right after their landing party returns so they won't notice us, and we need Scotty to come with us so he can get one of their crystals."

"Acknowledged, sir."

"Don't break my ship!"

\- - -

Captain and First Officer entered the transporter room to find Scotty talking to Uhura via intercom. "Got it, thanks. How much longer?"

"The landing party just said they needed ten more minutes."

"A'right. Scott out."

"There y'are!" Scott greeted them. He was sporting a one-piece garment with a hint of a collar, which astonished Kirk more as a result of its yellow color than its odd design. "Starfleet changed the uniforms — Uhura saw them over a visual, she programmed 'em into the replicators and had 'em sent down 'ere."

With this, he handed over a red and a blue version of this, which Kirk and Spock pulled over their black underclothes.

"Ye get used to it," Scotty assured them. "A get the feeling I won' want to change back when we're done!"

The other two exchanged raised eyebrows before moving onto the transporter pads.

Kirk flipped open his communicator. "Tell us when, Uhura."

"They're getting into formation," she warned. "And… now!"

"Energize!"

\- - -

"Did you see something, Captain?" asked the science officer of the U.S.S. Vega.

"Like what?"

"No… I think it was just a transporter echo."

"I'd better check anyway."

Click. "Transporter room? This is the Captain."

"Transporter technician here, Captain," Kirk replied as soon as Spock had nerve-pinched the actual technician. "What is it, sir?"

"Science officer reported a transporter echo. I need you to check for malfunctions."

Kirk pressed a few buttons before replying, "He was right, sir. Looks to be an echo."

"Good. Carry on."

Scotty was in silent jubilation.

"Come on," Kirk grinned, "let's get in and out of here."

"Captain, may I suggest a preventative measure?" Spock lifted the man over his shoulders.

"Good idea, let's put him somewhere."  
Kirk quickly scouted for an empty room out in the hall before returning. "Conference room two doors down. Can you make him think he fell asleep or something?"

The three dashed down to the room in question before Spock replied, "Unnecessary. He will assume so when he wakes, as he will have lost up to fifteen seconds of memory."

Kirk nodded. "Okay, let's go. Scotty, do you know where engineering is?"

"Aye, Captain. The layout's similar to the Enterprise, so we should ha' no problem atall."

They all attempted to appear as nonchalant as possible, walking briskly but not hurriedly down the hall, but only Kirk quite appeared to be exactly where he belonged. Many people passed, none of whom gave them a second glance as they rounded a few corners, and entered the turbolift.

"Where're the handles?" Scotty whispered loudly as they all looked about for a means to operate the lift. 

Fortunately, a young Andorian woman entered and requested of the room in general, "Deck Five."

Hoping that this ship matched the layout of the Enterprise, they all exited on the same floor, Scotty looking this way and that like a bloodhound sniffing out its target.

"This way," he said. Kirk shrugged blankly at Spock.

"Greetings," said someone to the left, arresting their course.

They all looked to see a young Vulcan man with hair slightly longer and darker than Spock's, a darker complexion, and similar but squarer features.

"Hello," Kirk answered for all three. 

"I do not wish to detain you," the man said, "but I must confess I was interested by your presence here, son of Vulcan. I was not aware there were any others of our race aboard. You have arrived with the newcomers, no doubt?"

"Affirmative," Spock replied. "I, too, was unaware of your presence."

The man held up the ta'al. "Welcome aboard the U.S.S. Vega. My name is Spock."  
Kirk and Scotty practically gaped at their friend, who gave no sign that he recognized the name. "Thank you, Spock. I am Selek."

'Spock' then turned to the captain and Mr. Scott. "Welcome, gentlemen. I presume you must be on your ways; I expect we will cross paths in the future. Peace and long life."

"Live long and prosper," Spock replied, before continuing in the direction of Mr. Scott's previous trajectory.

"Are we not gonna talk about that?" Kirk asked when he caught up.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not understand. Do you believe I know this man?"

"Well he's got to be one of your relatives or something."

"Ach!" exclaimed Scotty. "Is 'e your son?"

Spock was not amused. "While he may be a relative who has not yet been born in our timeline—a conclusion that I am not prepared to make at this time—I would certainly not name a child after myself, so I believe I am justified in assuming that, no, he is not."

Scotty had already stopped listening. "We're 'ere, Captain!"

They entered, but were quickly stopped by a yellow-clad human. "I don't know you. What's your business here?"

"New recruits," Kirk offered. "We were just showing our friend here to his new post."

"New post?" The man looked Scotty up and down absently. "What's your name?"

"Uh, Scott, sir. … Scott Aberdeen."

"Sounds familiar… Are you that guy who studied old ships' engines?"

Scotty looked pleased at this. "Ye could certainly say tha', sir."

The man nodded. "Alright then, come on. You two, scram. I'm sure you've got stuff to do."

He did not move, however, and was staring at Kirk, who shot a worried look at Spock.

"Anybody ever tell you," he said after a second, "you're a dead ringer for Jim Kirk? Who are you, anyway?"

Kirk hesitated. "J-… Lieutenant George."

"Huh. Alright then, go ahead. I'll be seein' you."

"Yes, sir."

Outside in the much less crowded corridor, the two of them stood momentarily. "They know who I am," Kirk remarked with a mixture of surprise and pride.

"Yes," noted Spock. "Perhaps it was unwise for you to beam aboard."

Kirk flipped the communicator open. "Nah, just one guy. I wouldn't worry about it. Scotty? Are you there?"

"Aye, Captain," came a hushed voice.

"Can you get to it?"

"Nae, way too many people. I'm gonna need a diversion o' some sort."

"Comin' right up!" Kirk beamed at the prospect. "Just keep blending in until we can think of something."

"Captain!" came the reply, mildly outraged at the implication.

"K- George out."

"Who is Lieutenant George?" Spock asked when Kirk stowed the communicator away.

"Huh? Oh, nobody. George is my brother's name - I had to think of something."

"Fascinating."

"Not really. Why, don't you have a brother or something?"

"Negative," Spock replied. Technically, it was true. "Although there was a relative who lived with us when I was a child, close to my age. I suppose I could have assumed his identity."

Kirk looked sidelong at him as they moved down the hall so as to act as if they were on their way to something.

"Really? I didn't know that. Older?"

"By a few years."

"You looked up to him, didn't you?" 

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I respected him, I suppose. However, he was not overly fond of me."

"Fond?"

"A Terran-ism. He did not think highly of me."

Kirk was still considering when Spock continued, "Your diversion, Captain?"

He frowned as if deep in thought. 

"Brothers!" he practically shouted.

Spock clearly did not know what he was getting at. "Am I to understand that you have formulated a plan?"

For answer the captain began running back towards engineering. "What do brothers do, Spock?"

"They…"

"They fight!"

\- - -

Scotty came running around the corner as soon as he heard the pandemonium from the entrance to engineering.

"What the bloody-"

Shouting people were already beginning to mill about the two crewmen engaged in some sort of brawl, attempting to wrest them apart.

Upon approaching, he realized that it was Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, and momentarily gaped before realizing that it was meant to be his diversion.

Aye, that'd do it.

When the crowd began to succeed in their attempts to break it up, Scotty had already managed to remove one of the dilithium crystals from the warp core, slipping out among a swarm of crewmen in the commotion. He makes for the transporter room as fast as he can without running and drawing further attention, praying that there was no one there. If he could just make it to the planet's surface, the Enterprise could beam him up and they could all set about rescuing the captain and Mr. Spock, who were certainly being escorted to the brig by now.

\- - -

"Here comes security."

"We've got 'em held down, Commander Spock!"

Kirk craned his head to the side, off the floor, in an attempt to see their approaching captors.   
Great, it's him again.

'Spock', who was evidently Chief of Security, followed up the convoy that led Kirk and Spock towards the brig. There were also two guards in front and one on each side, all armed with phasers. They would have to make their escape once inside their cells.

"How could a follower of Surak resort to such measures?" asked 'Spock', sounding almost disappointed.

"My friend is plainly unharmed," Spock observed simply.

"'Your friend' - this was a ploy, then?"

"A diversion."

Kirk rounded on him. "Sp- Selek! Why'd you tell him that?!"

Both men looked at him and said simultaneously, "Vulcans cannot lie." Their resemblance was suddenly uncanny.

Kirk rolled his eyes. "I guess it doesn't matter anyway. He's already gone by now."

"There's another!" 'Spock' called to the men in front. "Collect reinforcements and attempt to locate him. More details shall be provided later."

They complied; three left.

"Who is gone?"

"Our friend. He took a dilithium crystal," Kirk answered, now resigned to the admission.

'Spock' seemed more curious than hostile. "The loss of one will not harm the function of this ship; it will simply require that we obtain more in the near future."

"We are aware of this," Spock answered. "This was not an attempt at sabotage."

They reached the cell block, and Spock was ushered into one while Kirk continued two rooms down. The other Spock stayed with the more forthcoming of the two. "Are you even members of Starfleet?" he asked.

"We are," replied Spock. "These are strange circumstances, but that much is true."

"It is still fairly unusual to see Vulcan officers," 'Spock' reflected, "although it is more common than it once was."

"Indeed. You also follow Surak, so why, might I ask, are you here?"

The other seemed ready enough to oblige as he waited for the other guard to return, sensing no threat in his telepathic sweep.

"My father encouraged me to join," he answered. "In fact, he told me that the most loyal follower he knew was a member of Starfleet."

"'Encouraged'," Spock mused. "An odd term for a Vulcan."

"My father was an odd man."

"I see. Who was he?"

'Spock' straightened. "Sybok, son of Sarek." 

He seemed honored by his ancestry. "Peace, and long life, Selek. The captain shall be here momentarily."

Another guard returned to guard Spock's cell, and the security chief turned to go as Spock answered with the customary "Live long and prosper" and returned the ta'al.

He quickly gathered his thoughts before attempting to reach the mind of the security officer outside. He's escaped. Check and make sure he's still there.

The barrier turned off.

\- - -

"Spock!" exclaimed the captain when the guard fell to the floor. "Boy, am I glad to see you. What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Captain, we must reach the transporter room before the captain of this ship arrives to interrogate us."

"Right, right. Beam us aboard, Scotty!"


	3. The Parasite

The turbolift doors slid swiftly open with a familiar  _ whoosh _ to welcome the captain onto the bridge. He was still in the midst of reviewing the data that Spock had sent to his PADD, but he knew the terrain so well that he did not even need to look up to find his way to the captain's chair. Finished, he stowed the PADD away and asked Sulu for an update. Nothing, status holds, no change.  _ Another boring exploratory mission on some desolate tundra planet. _

"Captain, the scanners have located something."

"Define 'something'."

"An artificial structure of some kind, sir, very small and covered by snow and ice. It would seem to be quite old."

"I thought there were never any civilizations here." Kirk's interest was piqued. 

"There were not - and it appears that this structure is the only one."

"Alright, arrange a landing party, just a few men. We'll go investigate."

"Certainly, Captain."

* * *

"I don't see anything, Captain," observed Lieutenant Kramer when he, Dr. Vallok, and the captain beamed down to the surface—fitted, of course, with heavy snow gear along with the standard landing party equipment.

"Neither do I," Kirk mused, and fumbled to get his communicator open.   
"Kirk to  _ Enterprise.  _ Are you sure we're in the right spot?"

"Yes, captain. Coordinates indicate the structure's about twenty feet ahead of you."

"Alright, we'll take a closer look, it's pretty hazy down here. Stand by."

There did seem to be a slight plateau of snow when they approached the approximate location of where the structure ought to be.

"Should've brought a shovel," Kirk muttered as he began kicking hard clumps of ice and snow out of the way in an attempt to get a better look at whatever was underneath.

The others followed suit, and quickly came upon a layer of dark, unrusted metal. When one of Kirk's boots came in contact with it, it sounded more like stone than metal.  _ Must be really thick, _ he thought,  _ if it's even hollow at all.  _ Evidently the building had either been built slightly underground or had gradually been covered up by layers upon layers of snow—Spock was right, it was definitely old. Who knew, though, how old it might be? 

"Stand back," Kirk ordered, pulling out a phaser. "I'll just melt this off so we can get a better look at it. Don't get too close or the snow'll melt underneath you."

The other two did as he said and Kirk aimed a low-energy beam at the structure, careful to avoid overheating the metal itself in case there was something inside. Soon, they were all standing in a puddle surrounding a squat building that looked to be a sort of bunker, with a single low door that sat next to a small box welded at knee-level to the door.

Crouching beside this box, he examined it to find that he could lift the outer panel to reveal what looked to be a crude intercom beneath.  _ Maybe it's a computer or a database,  _ he considered.

Holding down the button, he tentatively asked, "Hello?"

"People!" came a tinny voice from the other side, startling all three. After recoiling suddenly, Kirk leaned closer as if to see through to the interior. Before he could reply, the query came, "Let me out of here, please!"

Astounded, the captain began to consider the impossible.

"Is there… someone  _ in _ there?!"

"Yeah, I'm here, I'm here! You can hear me, can't you? Please tell me this is working…"

"Don't worry," Kirk quickly reassured him, "we can hear you. We're from the U.S.S.  _ Enterprise _ . Who… who are you?"

"My name's Finn Casey. I got trapped in here!"

"Wha— when?" marveled the captain. "Judging by the snow cover and crude technology, this building's been buried for… who  _ knows  _ how long."

"I… " The man faltered. "I have no idea… snow comes down fast around here, so it's no wonder you had to uncover it, but I don't know how much time has passed. Please, just let me out! It only unlocks from the outside."

Kirk found himself moved by the poor man, but was nonetheless slightly suspicious of the odd circumstances.

"Why? How do you unlock it? What is this place?"

"It's a storage bunker for the history of the Federation and its member planets. In case of some kind of disaster. Nobody was meant to be  _ in _ here, but the door slammed shut on me and I guess my shipmates assumed I'd died in the storm. They're long gone, that much I know."

"I think I found the lock," Kirk told him now. "Hold on a second, it feels tight."

When he finally managed to free the heavy door from the icy grip of its hinges, he was pushing with such a force that he fell in after it; the crewmen came to help him up. At first, squinting into the darkness, he could see no one at all, but soon a young man stepped out from the shadows. When Kirk stood, he saw that Casey was slightly taller than him and had platinum-blond hair that matched the color of his short beard. Both were remarkably clean, as was his black jumpsuit—Spock would say he looked like Prince Hamlet. 

"Captain James T. Kirk," he said as he offered a hand.

Casey shook it. "Of the U.S.S.  _ Enterprise, _ " he remembered. "A Federation starship?"

"Exactly!" said the captain proudly. "If you'd care to come with us? I don't imagine you'd want to stay down here."

"By no means," the man agreed with a grin. 

"Come on out. It's freezing, but we'll be outta here in just a second."

"Kirk to  _ Enterprise.  _ Four to beam up."

"Four?" It was Scotty on the other end. "Captain, 'ow in god's name did you manage to get  _ more _ people down there?"

"Long story. Come on, we're freezing down here!"

"Aye aye, Captain."

* * *

"Look who I found, Mr. Spock!"

Spock braced himself. The captain sounded much too pleased to have  _ not _ brought trouble aboard."

"Captain, if you have somehow come by yet another tribble, I must insist—"

But this was most certainly not a tribble. It was a young human male, one who reminded him vaguely of some Shakespearean character that he did not have the time to place at this moment. 

"Captain, who is this and how did he get here?"

Kirk feigned a pout—an expression he had by now learned to identify with ease—and said, "I thought you'd like him."

"I  _ am  _ rather fascinated by how he came to be here. Were you down on the planet, sir?"

The man nodded. "Finn Casey. I got trapped in that bunker." Ignoring, or perhaps failing to notice the stares from the bridge crew, he meandered about the room.

"Odd," said Spock as he watched. "There were no readings of any life forms on the surface."

"That building  _ was _ made of pretty thick metal," Kirk added. "I couldn't identify it. Maybe it had some effect on the scanners."

"Evidently. How long had he been inside?"

Kirk shrugged. "He said he didn't know. But, I mean, it was  _ covered  _ with snow. Tech was pretty old, too. I don't know how he survived. Hey, Casey," he added. "want me to show you to your quarters? We can start for the nearest starbase tomorrow to drop you off there."

"Thank you, Captain," the man answered, glancing between him and Spock as he returned. "I appreciate your help."

Kirk laughed. "We couldn't just leave you there, could we?"

Together they stepped onto the turbolift. Spock had what Kirk would call a 'bad feeling' about this man. He found this entire circumstance highly illogical, and was unable to explain it. There was missing data.

* * *

It was near midnight when the navigator heard the captain's voice patched through to him. 

"Yes, sir?"

"Take us out of here, bearing 1.8. We're leaving early."

"Captain, that direction—"   
"I know there's not much in that direction, but we've got new orders. Proceed at warp three, we're in no hurry."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Kirk did not wake in his bed. He groaned and pushed himself up from a cold, hard floor, but could barely feel his hands. The only light in the room was streaming, piercing blue-white, from the open door. Just beyond lay a thick sheet of icy snow, and a wind that lifted powdery flakes from the surface in soft little swirls.

"Great. I'm on the planet again."

"I am afraid this is a 'we' situation, Captain."

He jerked his head around to see Spock huddled in the far corner, apparently trying to avoid the worst of the frigid wind.

"Spock! Why are you here?"

He moved across and sat beside him, between his friend and the door in such a way that his own body would take the brunt of the cold—he knew Vulcans were more susceptible.

"I do not know why either of us are here, sir. Neither can I remember arriving."   
"Let me go outside and call the ship."

"Already attempted, Captain. They appear to have left the area."

He sat back down. "Something must've happened. At least the door's open, so we're not locked in."

Spock raised an eyebrow with effort. He did not need to point out the absurdity of that statement, considering their present predicament.

"You're shivering!" he realized momentarily.

Spock had tried and failed to suppress the involuntary reaction. "I am aware, Captain. It  _ is  _ snowing, after all."

Kirk rolled his eyes and edged closer. Luckily they had enough clothes to prevent skin contact, but they needed to share as much body heat as possible. He started to remove his uniform shirt, leaving just the black undershirt, but Spock blocked his arm from moving.

"Please, Captain. I am not so frail as you seem to believe."

"How sweet." Finn Casey was standing in the doorway, but unfortunately provided no protection from the cold. 

"Casey! You're here, too? Do you know—"

The man's sadistic grin caused Kirk's face to fall.  _ Oh. _

"I am here, in part, Captain," he answered. "I am also aboard your ship, leading your crew into empty, uncharted space so I can keep them for myself."

"Why are we here?" Spock asked. 

"Good question!" cried Casey, his voice echoing. "Full marks!"

* * *

On the bridge of the  _ Enterprise,  _ he answered, "Well, I couldn't very well leave the captain in charge, could I? Wouldn't want any rallying around him, that would be most unpleasant."

"If tha's true, then why'd ye put Mr. Spock down there with him?" Scotty asked, still outraged.

Casey laughed mirthlessly. "Well you can't bring one with you if you're gonna leave the other one behind, can you? You'd never get  _ anything _ done."

"We'll be searchin' for 'em too, ye know. We'll not just play along wi' ye."

"Won't you?"

Scotty did not have a chance to retort; suddenly, the faces of all his shipmates began to distort drippingly, and as horrifying features began to melt down to the ground, he was deafened by piercing screams - he could not tell whether his own was among them. Covering his ears, he squeezed his eyes shut and was on his knees, hunched over.

"Scotty, are you alright?" It was Uhura—she was fine, as were the others that he saw looking around.

"Thank god, lassie! Wha—" She helped him up, and he kept his hands on her shoulders as he turned to Casey. "What was that?"

"A mere taste of what is to come."

He was right. Over who knows how many hours, the crew were kept from accessing the ship's controls, and even from talking to each other for more than a second at a time, by Casey's constant assaults of telepathy, as he could seemingly cause anyone to see, hear, and feel anything he wished them to—the only restriction seemed to be that he had to transition between each person, being only able to exercise his power over one at a time. They attempted to rush him, but were met only with agonizing pain and, when they looked up, he had disappeared, although he always returned for more.

* * *

"Aren't you gonna come in here, at least?" Kirk growled between clenched teeth. "Just lookin' at you makes me colder."

Casey sneered. "Good." He was sitting just outside the door, examining his fingernails in apparent boredom; every once in a while, however, Kirk would notice a small smirk creep across his face unbidden.  _ It must be something on the  _ Enterprise, he thought.  _ It  _ has  _ to be.  _ He had to believe they were still alive.

Every so often, Casey would send some terrifying image through one of their thoughts; suddenly either Kirk or Spock would believe that whatever they were seeing was reality, and needed the other to snap him out of it.

"Jim!" Spock's eyes were wide open, but unseeing.

"Spock! I'm right here! Remember? Listen to my voice!" He shook him by the shoulders until he recovered. 

Casey gave that same smirk that he had seen out of nowhere for the past hours.  _ That must be the same thing he's doing to the crew. But how? They're so far away…  _

"Mind-jumping," Spock whispered suddenly.

Kirk worried momentarily that he was having another vision, but his friend's eyes were looking straight into his.

"This is not telepathy," he continued in a low voice, the wind outside obscuring Casey's hearing slightly. "I believe he is moving from person to person, which would explain the long-distance communication but his failure to affect multiple people at a time."

"Yes!" Kirk hissed. "I think I understand. So that person there… probably isn't even him?"

"Unlikely."

"That would explain the resistance to cold. And how he managed to survive in here for so long."

"And also why he chooses to remain outside. These walls must have some property that can contain even a being with no physical form."

"We have to get him in here somehow."

* * *

They were shown horrific things, their worst fears, things they did not know they feared, felt things they never knew were possible, were tricked into hurting each other. Although they were largely unable to move, someone had heard that a few had died in the lower decks. On the bridge, Chekov was knocked unconscious while flailing wildly against whatever horror Casey had sent his way—a swarm of rabid Andorian wasps, perhaps—and they rushed to his side. 

To their surprise, no one was stopped until, moments later, Casey recovered from being jolted out of Chekov's mind. Perhaps unconsciousness was the only way to repel him—that, or death.

Suddenly, the lights went out on the bridge and only the red glow of the emergency light remained; an alarm of some kind began to blare and, under that cover, Scotty sidled towards a control panel. 

"Computer," he whispered. "What's our current location?"

Rather than the familiar whirring, he heard tinny laughter from somewhere nearby. 

"Hell," was the computer's answer.

"He can get in the machinery!" Scotty shouted, as if hoping that someone would be able to make use of that information. 

That was when they felt the oxygen go.

* * *

"Captain, we must return him to this prison."

_ Prison. That's what it was _ . "You're right," Kirk answered quietly, "but how? It's not as if we can drag him in, seeing as that man there is an illusion."

"We must utilize our minds." It sounded as if he had already formulated a plan.

"You mean distract him to keep him from mind-jumping back to the ship."

"Precisely."

Kirk knew they were both aware of what that meant. "One of us is gonna have to stay here. That must be how they managed to trap him last time, but whoever did it has long since become dust."

"Unfortunately, Captain, I believe you are correct in surmising that this is our only option. However, as I am considerably more adept than you at telepathy and control of one's mind, I submit that I am the logical choice."

"Yes," said the captain, standing. "The logical choice to  _ live _ ."   
"Captain, that is not—"

Kirk had already drawn Casey's attention. He knew Spock was right, of course, that it would be much easier for him to keep him—the creature—trapped within his mind until the door was safely shut, but at this moment he was not particularly interested in logic.

Spock had followed him outside, despite the cold, still attempting to deter him. 

"Captain, do not do this. You must protect the ship."

Kirk ignored him.

"Is that the best you can do?" he challenged, towering threateningly over Casey, who raised himself up from the biting ground.

"Want more, do you?" he sneered. "I'll always oblige."

Spock was rather surprised that this tactic had worked, but was distracted when his captain fell against the ice. He knelt down beside him and attempted to keep him upright.

"Captain!" He could not respond.

_ I refuse to submit to his stubborn persistence in illogic. _

When Spock placed numb fingers against his psi-points, Casey started forward—"What are you doing?!"—but Spock knew that his unreal form could do nothing against him; the real threat was a creature lodged in Jim's mind. Finding it, he quickly enveloped it within himself and withdrew, outward, past his friend's consciousness which was only now recovering.  _ Spock? _ he recognized. Spock withdrew and struggled to contain both himself and the creature within his own mind; he made a dash back towards the bunker, knowing that Kirk was right behind him - but he was faster. 

Slamming the door, he was plunged into darkness, and released the creature from his hold; having nowhere else to go, it stayed within him, but was too exhausted yet to use any force against him. Spock braced himself against the door, knowing that Kirk could not open it against the combined force of Spock's strength and the sheer weight of the metal.

Nevertheless, he could faintly hear persistent banging on the other side, though no other sound could make it through the thick slab. A beep was emitted from the intercom on the wall nearby, accompanied by a short sparkling flash that alerted him to its location; he shifted closer to it so that it came within arm's reach, even from the ground.

"Spock!" came the captain's voice. "Are you okay? Spock!"

He pressed the button. "Captain, I assure you I am quite well."

"What the  _ hell _ do you think you're doing?! I should be the one in there! This is illogical, Spock. You know the ship needs you more than me!"

"You are her captain. You must be there when they come to rescue you."

" _ I _ need you! The ship…" He ceased argument, knowing there was no longer anything he could do. Even if he managed to open the door, the creature would simply stay with the  _ Enterprise _ crew permanently rather than remaining to torment the two of them further, and there would be no chance of ever returning him to this prison. They both knew this.

They simply sat on opposite sides of the impenetrable door, backs to each other, for some minutes before Kirk opened the channel again.

"Want to bet whether I freeze to death before you starve?"

"You have neglected to factor in the lack of oxygen in this chamber."

"Oh, you're right, my mistake."

There was another long pause before Kirk continued.

"You really think the ship's coming back here?"

"I see no reason to doubt it, Captain, now that Casey's influence has been removed."

He could practically hear Kirk's groan even before the light sparkled once more, marking his presence. "Spock, we're about to  _ die _ here, you can call me Jim."

"You will not die, Jim." He was confident in this—he needed to be.

"I will without you keeping me in line on the ship."

It was true, he  _ was _ rather prone to risky behavior. "You must take care of yourself, Jim."

Kirk was angry. "Don't say that like you're saying goodbye!"

Spock made no answer. He could feel the creature rising, attempting to escape the walls that he had erected around it.

"Spock?—"

"I am here. The creature—Casey is once more gaining strength."

"How do you suppose he survived in there once the host…" Considering the circumstances, Kirk could not bring himself to finish his sentence.

"Are you attempting to keep me focused?"

"You have to keep your mind working—you can't fall asleep in this cold."

"You are the one marooned in open tundra."

"Yeah, but it's worse for you. I know how tired you are, I saw it before you locked yourself in that damn hole."

"Nevertheless, you pose an intriguing question." He happened to agree with the captain.

"Perhaps he is able to float about in this contained space, given no other option."

"Maybe. But… then how did he talk to us over the intercom, if he had no body to produce a voice?"

Spock began to realize. "Captain, he must have been  _ inside  _ the machinery."

"Yes, Spock! You're right—that would explain why his voice sounded strange, computerized almost, before we got him out of there. Yours doesn't sound like that because you're actually there!"

"Indeed," Spock marveled. "Fascinating."

"You've got to force him back in there."

"He refuses to be moved, Captain. I have already attempted to expel him; he is much stronger than I, and I am at this moment barely able to contain him even within the boundaries of my mind."

"Jesus, Spock, why'd you do this." It was not a question.

"Spock, the communicator channel's open—they're here!"

"Good. You must go, Captain."

"I'm not leaving, Spock!"

"Goodbye, Jim."

"Spock? Spock!"

He had resolved to ignore the glimpses of light and the captain's voice so that he would be persuaded to leave—engaging him would only compel him to stay.

* * *

"Kirk to  _ Enterprise,  _ Kirk to  _ Enterprise.  _ Scotty, are you there?"

"Captain! Thank god yer alright! We go' here as fast as we could."

"I'm okay, but Spock's locked himself in the bunker with Casey and he's not answering the intercom. He's keeping me from opening the door, and even if I could get in I can't let him out without Casey escaping."

…

"I have an idea, Cap'n. We're beamin' down."

* * *

When Scotty arrived with McCoy and two security officers, they brought along extra cold-weather gear for Kirk. 

"Thanks," he said as he took it. "Man, am I glad to see you guys. You said something about a plan?"

Scotty nodded almost frantically. "We discovered tha' Casey can't affect people who're unconscious, he gets sort of… expelled from their minds."

McCoy proudly displayed a small tricorder-like device. "I rigged this up to emit a high-frequency sound that we can't hear, but that'll knock the hobgoblin out cold. Then we'll have about fifteen seconds to drag him outta there before Casey can get readjusted and escape."

Kirk was skeptical. "You sure this'll work? Is it dangerous?"

"Well, we're gonna be real careful. If you activate it for too long his brain could hemorrhage, but if you don't do it for long enough nothing'll happen and Casey can escape as soon's we open the door.

"I don't like this," he worried as Bones approached the panel.

"You got a better idea?"

"Spock?" McCoy called over the intercom.

Kirk joined him. "He's not answering. He's hoping I'll leave if he doesn't talk to me."

"Well I'll talk  _ at  _ him, then. Spock, we're gonna transmit a high-pitched noise that'll put you out, that way Casey'll be stuck in the machinery and we'll have a bit of a window to get you out."

McCoy purposely continued holding down the button so that Spock could not protest. "Here goes," he said, and switched on the device.

"Turn it off, Bones!"

"Not yet."

…

"Bones!"

He held up a finger, paused, and clicked it off. "Now!" he ordered. "Get in there, quick!"

Kirk helped the others shove against the door, nudging his crumpled body to the side. Now that the strength was gone from his limbs, he was lighter than expected. Kirk dragged him by the shoulders over the threshold and across the ice as quickly as he could until Scotty and the security officers were able to close the door once more; tentatively, they listened.

A blood-curdling scream, high-pitched and inhuman, was emitted from the intercom, and they knew the creature was trapped once more.

"Spock!" Kirk was shaking his limp body by the shoulders, but nothing happened. "Bones, do something! Is he alright?"

The doctor scanned him and put a hand on Kirk's shoulder. "He's fine, Jim. He should wake up any minute now, but we gottta get him back up to the ship before he freezes to death."

"Jim?" came a rattling voice. Bones was right.

"Spock! You're okay! Don't worry, we trapped Casey, everything's fine. We're gonna beam back to the ship and warm you up."

"You are certain—"

"He's trapped, Spock. And we're gonna make sure nobody's ever getting near this planet again."

Still kneeling on the ice, he looked up. "Let's get the hell out of here, Scotty."


	4. Much Ado About Taxes

"Dammit Jim, why'd you have to go and git yourself mixed up in all that political kerfuffle?"

"Sorry, Bones. But really, what was I supposed to do, leave them to kill each other?"

The doctor, rather than answer specifically, simply grumbled incoherently in response as he continued treating Kirk's minor head wound with antiseptic before stopping to scan his cranium some more.

"Honestly," the captain added, "How does anyone get that worked up over taxes, anyway?"

"Tariffs, Captain," interjected the heretofore silent Vulcan.

"Thanks, Spock," the other two replied dryly, in unison.

Spock raised an eyebrow at this, but did not remove the stern look that he had worn all the way to sickbay.

"Don't look at me like that," pleaded the captain, noticing this fact. "I got plenty of admonition from Bones over here."

"You deserve it," was the doctor's reply, punctuated by a hypospray.

"Now what could that possibly have been for?" exclaimed an indignant Kirk.

"Rigelian worm fever."

Kirk squinted at him. "You made that up."

"Captain," started Spock finally, "I must request that you cease your unduly reckless behavior. It is most illogical."

"It's some damn tomfoolery is what it is."

McCoy's comment was for once ignored by the Vulcan.

"Mr. Spock," marveled the captain, "sometimes I think you worry more about my health than about your own."

"You're damn right he does, idiotic green-blooded—"

"Vulcans do not worry, Captain."

McCoy ignored Spock's attempt to respond, continuing, "And you're just as bad, by the way, Jim. You'd avoid this place like the plague even if you _had_ the damn plague, but Spock gets a papercut and you come running like he's—"

"Doctor, I have never been injured by such an archaic material as paper."

"It's a figure of speech, you pointy-eared—"

"As much as I'd like to continue with the pleasantries, gentlemen," announced Kirk loudly as he dismounted from the examination table, directly between his feuding friends, "I have stuff to do. And so do you, by the way. Follow me."

With this he left the room, the other two trailing behind.

"I hesitate to ask, Jim," started McCoy, "but what exactly did you have in mind?"

"I presume you are referring to something other than our usual duties, sir?"

"Of course he does, why the hell else would he bring it up?"

" _Guys…_ " sighed Kirk. "I can already see I'm going to regret this, but you two are gonna watch the emissaries'' kids once they beam down to the planet—finally."

He rubbed his head at this, reminded of his previous encounter with the space-weary assembly.

"Now wait just a damn minute—"

"Captain, I strongly suggest—"

But Kirk's smug face was already disappearing behind the doors of the turbolift as he returned to the bridge, leaving his CMO and first officer to revel in their new assignments. The two regarded each other for a moment before McCoy stabbed an irate finger in Spock's direction.

"I just want you to know, I blame you for this."

"Doctor, really. I hardly see how it could be construed that I am responsible for our present predicament." He had to continue after the doctor as he marched down the hall.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're enjoying this just as much as I am, anyway."

"On the contrary, Doctor, I fail to see the logic in the captain's decision. Furthermore, I do not relish—"

"Shut up, Spock!"

* * *

"Captain, we have dropped out of warp and are approaching our destination."

"Thank you, Mr. Sulu. Assume standard warp as soon as we arrive."  
"Yes, sir."

His chair emitted a short beep almost before he had a chance to sit down. 

"Kirk here," he answered.

"Now I better hear this is a bad practical joke, Jim, 'cause neither of us is very amused."

The captain grinned to himself. "I'm glad to see you're both in agreement for once."

"Jim—"

Kirk laughed. "Relax, Bones, it's not that big of a deal. Besides, who better to watch a couple of kids than a doctor and the most trustworthy person in the sector?"

"You mispronounced 'ornery Southerner and a robot.' "

"They'll be in sickbay at 0900 hours tomorrow."

"Sickbay?! I can't have a bunch of hooligans runnin' around a medical facility!"

"See you later, Bones."

"Jim!"

Click. Kirk prepared himself for the chaos that was sure to ensue upon alerting the emissaries that they would need to disembark. At least there was no shuttlecraft involved.

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me."  
"If I understand you correctly, no, this is the correct number."

"Lord have mercy," muttered the doctor as children gathered around him. "What are there, fifteen of them?!"

"Nine, Doctor. Please refrain from exaggerating."

McCoy was too busy complaining about herding cats to notice Spock's comment.

* * *

"Just promise me I won't see that Andorian on the way there."

"I apologize," answered Kirk in exasperation, "but I can't make a promise like that. There are a limited number of hallways on this ship, and you _are_ going to the same place."

"You're right, of course," the emissary replied as he continued packing; if he was not careful, he would make everyone late, making things worse for himself and the captain.

"It'll be over soon, anyway," muttered Kirk, more to himself than to his charge.

After a moment, the emissary said, "I can find my way to the transporter room, there is no need for you to wait here."

The captain was about to politely refuse, not wanting to be blamed for anyone's absence, when he heard a commotion from outside.

"SPOCK!" someone roared—he wondered who that might be.

"Actually," he hastily replied to the emissary, "I think I'll take you up on that."

"Bones!" he yelled as he ran down the hall after him; the doctor was remarkably agile when he wanted to be. "What's going on?"

McCoy turned his scowl on him when he halted, a gaggle of excited children gathered around him like ducklings.

"What's going on?!" he echoed heatedly. "I ordered that pointy-eared—… guy to report to sickbay and keep these hooligans occupied so I can get back to my _work_ , and what does he do? Completely ignores me, that's what! I can't believe this. Actually, I can. But I'm not lettin' him get away with it! Where is he? I'm a doctor, not a babysitter!"

The children were seeming to thoroughly enjoy the look of increasing alarm on the captain's face, laughing as the doctor accelerated his rant.

"I don't know, Bones, I've got my own problems here." He held out his hands in a show of innocence. "Do I look like I know where Spock is at all times?"

But he surrendered under the doctor's withering glare and gestured down the hall. "I think he's in the lab."

McCoy continued grumbling as he made his way down the hall with the children in tow, other crewmen wisely giving them a wide berth.

"Don't hurt him, Bones!" Kirk cried after him with a grin. Good luck with that.

* * *

The doors opened with a soft hiss, allowing a bright light to enter the dimly lit lab.

"Over here, Doctor," Spock called from the other room.

McCoy frowned as he and his ducklings made their way through the largely empty area. "How'd you know it was me?"

"I could hear you shouting from halfway down the hall."

"The walls are soundproof."

"Doctor, I am well aware—"

"Why is it so dark in here?"

"I am attempting to determine—"

"Sorry I asked."

Seeing that he was not going to be permitted to complete any work, Spock replaced whatever obscure creature he was examining back into its box and ordered the computer to brighten the lights.

"What is it, Doctor?"

"I called you down to sickbay an hour ago!"

"42.36 minutes is hardly an hour. Furthermore, as you can see, I was otherwise occupied."

"Put that down!" McCoy ordered one of the older children before turning back to the Vulcan. "I've got stuff to do, too! You know what?"

Without completing his argument, he made for the door.

"Doctor, where are you going?"

"Kids, you stay here with Spock. I'll see ya around."

As the doors shut and the nine children turned to stare at him, Spock raised an eyebrow and contemplated what he ought to occupy them with before they began regressing to destructive tendencies. As most of them were human—the other two an Orion and an Andorian—none could be trusted to act in a logical fashion of their own volition.

* * *

Spock was satisfied with his ability to effectively keep track of the movements of all nine children in the rec room while completing the paperwork he had brought along at an acceptable pace. He had considered this to be the most logical location in which to occupy children of various ages, particularly given the presence of Pavel Chekov, who was at this moment entertaining several of the children with supposed Russian folktales. The three oldest were on the opposite side of the room attempting to participate as little as possible in any of the available activities, and a human of about ten years was sitting across from Spock at a table doing, seemingly, nothing at all. 

He was unsure as to what he ought to make of this behavior, as it was highly irregular even for a human. Every so often the boy seemed to show interest in Spock's work, or perhaps he had simply never seen a Vulcan before and was perplexed with his ears or lack of expression. After several minutes of this, it occurred to him that the child might require something, so he rested his stylus atop the PADD and regarded him directly.

"Is there something that you require?" he asked, startling the boy out of a reverie as he stared in the opposite direction.

"Oh—no, I'm good. I'll just get out of your hair."  
"That will not be necessary," Spock returned calmly, not bothering to pretend that he did not understand the figure of speech.

The boy sat back down slowly, eyeing him curiously. 

"What is your name?" Spock asked, hoping the query would put him at ease.

"Ali" was the answer.

"I am Spock." He ignored the fact that Ali seemed intelligent enough to have remembered his name from earlier, instead opting for traditional human greetings.

He would have liked, at this point, to continue with his work, but decided to first attempt to ascertain the source of Ali's apparent discomfort; if he did not, it could fester and become a problem at a later time.

"Why do you not join the other children?" he asked carefully, knowing that humans could be prone to defensive emotionalism.

"I'd just ruin their good time," the boy responded with a glance in the direction of his companions. "They don't like me."

"What has led you to this conclusion?"

Ali looked as if he had not considered this before. 

"They think I'm weird." After a pause, he added, "You do too, don't you?"

Spock shook his head slightly. "I can see that you are different from the others, but would not characterize it in such negative terms."

"Why not?"

He raised an eyebrow. "It allows one to develop unique brain function, which will assist in solving problems through unusual pathways later on."

Spock fully expected Ali to disengage with the conversation at this point, but instead he considered his response.

"Like when I'm your age?" he questioned.

"Perhaps."

There was no further discussion on the matter, but unfortunately Chekov had departed to continue his shift, resulting in a marked increase in the other childrens' volume and movement; once the younger ones began running back and forth across the room, irritating the older three, Spock realized that it was time to induce a change of pace.

* * *

"Captain's log, stardate 3957.3. I… shouldn'tve put Spock and Bones on the same team. Don't get me wrong, they're still at each other's throats, but now they're mad at _me,_ too. I don't care what Spock says, he's mad. Don't tell him I said this, but I think he's giving me the silent treatment."

Kirk was fairly certain Chekov's quiet snicker made its way onto the log, as well.

"How's the meeting going?" he asked the navigator. "Any news?"

"Nyet, Captain. No word at all since yesterday."

"Hope we don't get detained," Kirk replied wryly. "We've got a schedule to keep."

* * *

"Doctor, I am afraid this method will not be effective."

"Oh, really, Spock? You got a better idea?"

"Unfortunately, I am not sufficiently familiar with human children and their caretaking to procure a logical procedure to—"

"Make them sit down and shut up?"

Spock gave him a Vulcan eye-roll, i.e., a rather flippant tilt of the head. "Crude phrasing as usual, Doctor, but essentially correct."

They both surveyed the mess around them dispiritedly.

"Well I don't know," exclaimed McCoy in frustration. "How do they discipline kids on Vulcan?"

"They do not," replied Spock without turning to him. "Vulcan children do what they are told."

McCoy raised an eyebrow and grinned sidelong at him. "Don't tell me you never got in trouble when you were a kid. What'd you do, get bad grades?"

Spock looked downright horrified.

"No, not that. Going around making annoying puns? I bet that'd get you in trouble there."

His eyes lit up, but Spock continued to ignore him. "I know, you got in fights! That's it, isn't it?"

Spock said nothing.

"I'm gonna find out. Call your mom if I have to."

"I would not advise that."

"What're you gonna do, beat me up?"

"Honestly, Doctor, could we attend to the matter at hand?"

He was about to receive a retort when Ali tugged on his sleeve; McCoy was so taken aback that he seemed to have forgotten all about his quest to prove that Spock was a troublemaker.

"What is it?" Spock asked of the boy, although he was also rather surprised that he had approached.

"Is it true Vulcans don't have feelings?"

Spock considered his response carefully, not wanting to adversely affect the child or to give Dr. McCoy any fodder for mockery.

"We control emotions with logic so that we are not ruled by them."

"I see." With this, Ali departed once more, evidently satisfied.

"Now, what do you suppose he wanted to know that for?" wondered McCoy.

"I do not know, but I imagine we are soon to find out."

"Are you trying to convert that boy?!"

Spock suppressed the urge to sigh as he walked away. "By no means, Doctor."

"Just where do you think you're goin'?"

* * *

"Yes, Captain?" asked spock when he reported to the bridge.

"Spock, there you are! We've got to beam down—there's a problem on the planet. Scotty, you have the conn."

"Yes, sir. May I inquire as to the nature of the situation?"

"I don't know, they wouldn't specify. They made it sound like an emergency, of course, but I have my doubts. Bring your phaser just in case."

"Understood, Captain."

Down on the surface, they found themselves just outside the building in which the conference was being held, and rushed in to attend to whatever supposedly dire matter was at hand. Spock set his phaser to stun as a precautionary measure, but when the doors were opened all seemed to be as the captain had left it the day before. 

"Hello again, gentlemen," he said with a diplomatic smile while scanning his eyes quickly around the room. "What, may I ask, is the problem?" 

"The problem, Captain," said one as he stood, "is that one of our number is missing."

Kirk stared at the man, glanced at Spock, and turned his confused gaze back to the company.

"You… just now discovered this?"

This caused a veritable uproar among the emissaries before one of them responded, "He was left behind on the starbase where you were charged with retrieving us."

Kirk could tell that Spock resented this criticism of him, so he stepped slightly closer in an effort to prevent him from coming to his defense.

Raising his hands, he answered, "Our departure was authorized by Starfleet, and I was told that there would be seven of you. That is the number I see here… unless, perhaps, I am missing something?"

"The absent individual," declared one of the humans, "is my husband."

"I take it he was not deemed, either by Starfleet or by you, necessary to the functioning of this committee?"

A few of the group nodded, but the human responded, "That assessment was made in error."

"Then why," sighed Kirk, growing increasingly frustrated, "was this fact not mentioned at any point prior to our arrival on this planet?"

The crowd in general seemed in agreement with the captain's sentiment as it erupted into further argument.

"Captain Kirk is right! Why are we only hearing of this now?"

"Is this an underhanded attempt to waste this council's time?"

"I don't appreciate your tone of voice, sir!"

"I don't think his tone of voice is what we should be discussing!"

Kirk gave Spock a weary look that was returned with a tilted eyebrow. 

_Humans_ , he was saying. 

_Helpful, Spock,_ he answered with a gesture to the committee, _but what should we do about this?_

As answer, he assumed his position beside the captain in transporter formation.

_If we take this seriously, they will continue to bother you._

Kirk nodded and opened his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise. Beam us up."

Only a few members of the committee seemed to notice their disappearance.

* * *

When Spock returned to sickbay later that day to relieve the doctor of his "babysitting" duties, taking pity on him, McCoy was in fact in surprisingly good spirits.

"Finally showed up, did ya? Luckily for you, I got 'em to settle down a bit."

"Did you give them hyposprays?"

Dr. McCoy leaned back in his chair and pointed an indignant finger at the Vulcan. "'Course I didn't! And what makes you think I can't watch a couple kids without stabbing chemicals in them?"

"I believe, Doctor, that two constitute a couple, while you have nine."

"You and semantics—wait, nine? I thought there were eight."

Spock quickly looked around the room to verify their number, but McCoy stopped him.

"It's a joke, Spock," he laughed. "Relax, I can keep track of some kids."

Before Spock could respond, someone else had entered the conversation.

"Doctor, your sense of humor is illogical."

Turning, Spock saw that it was Ali, the boy who had developed a habit of speaking to him.

"Well, Spock," remarked McCoy, "there's your mini-me. He's been talking like that all day."

"What is the purpose of this lexical modification?" asked Spock, noting the boy's unusually rigid stance.

"It is only logical," Ali answered, "to model my behavior after those who have successfully surpassed the challenges that are still before me."

"Mercy, Spock, you did convert him!"

"That was not my intention, Doctor, although I fail to find a flaw in his logic."

Seeing that his presence was no longer necessary, Ali departed, leaving McCoy to whisper angrily, "Dammit, Spock, he's a _human_. He can't afford to stand out like that, the other kids'll make his life hell!"

"He already does stand out, Doctor, and there is nothing that can be done to change that fact."

"He's not you, Spock."

The Vulcan turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. "I should think that would be obvious."

"You know what I mean," McCoy retorted. "And you can't make a human shut off his emotions like that, he can't take it."

"I neither suggested nor encouraged this behavior, Doctor. And what is more, I predict that it will cease shortly."

"Maybe you're right, it's just a phase, but it's downright unhealthy."

"I see no logical reason to object to the boy's behavior."

"And I thought we were getting somewhere."

* * *

"Those kids have really gotten fond of the good doctor," Kirk reflected during a game of chess with his first officer. 

Spock had suggested it to help alleviate the captain's well-hidden stress as a result of the recent events aboard the ship, and was therefore attempting to keep the conversation away from political subjects.

"I believe," he responded after moving his bishop in for the attack (a feint, of course), "that the feeling is mutual."

Kirk laughed with real mirth. "He'd never admit it."

"Agreed."

"Check!"

Spock raised an eyebrow, failing once more to understand how the captain continually bested him through the use of such illogical methods. However, he would not so soon succumb. Improvising rapidly in his mind, he anticipated the captain's strategy, hopefully subverting his attempt to confuse him with illogic by taking it into account. Unfortunately, Kirk's growing smile was distracting.

"Frustrated, Spock?" he nudged.

"I am not familiar with that sentiment, Captain," Spock replied innocently, without missing a beat.

Perhaps it was this odd ability of the captain's to see through him so well which permitted him to win so disconcertingly often. But it did not work in reverse, evidently. James Kirk, he decided as he moved his king out of harm's way, was a special human. Briefly, he wondered if the man had this much power over everyone.

* * *

Spock thankfully managed to end the game in a tie. Pleased that the captain was surprised with this outcome, he left his quarters more in need of meditation than usual. He blamed his being surrounded on all sides by human children. 

However, that was not apt to change anytime soon, he realized when his keen ears picked up a small, plaintive sound. It appeared to be emerging from the observation deck not far ahead so, knowing no one else would attend to the matter, he aimed for that door. When he opened the door it was completely dark inside except for the dim safety lights, but it was not difficult to find the boy—Ali—crouching in the corner, head down. It was unlikely that he heard the Vulcan approach, but he did not start when he knelt beside him; it seemed illogical to carry on a conversation with such a height difference between them, and it was unlikely that he would want Spock to see tears in his eyes.

"What afflicts you, child?" he asked quietly, unsure how else to approach the situation save directly.

"It's not logical," he answered without looking up.

"It would be illogical to ignore that which is relevant."

"I had a bad dream," he admitted.

"You were afraid."

"Yes."

"Fear is a natural reaction when one is in danger."

"But I wasn't!"

"You could not have known that. However, you are now safe—I promise."

Ali said nothing, but seemed to grow calmer.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually.

Spock shook his head. "You mustn't apologize for feeling. Do not allow it to rule you, but do this for your own sake, no one else's."

"But it's so hard!"

"You are a human, Ali. It is natural for you to feel; and it is seldom logical to go against one's own nature."

He sat beside the boy for several minutes, allowing him to return to his quarters on his own time. They spoke no more, but Spock could sense his growing fatigue.

* * *

"Thank god it's finally over," declared the captain when he received word that the council had finished deliberating.

"Indeed. Their decision was a pragmatic one, though I had not expected it from them."

"Approaching spacedock, sir," Chekov alerted the captain.

"Thank you," Kirk responded, tugging on the collar of his dress uniform as he made for the turbolift.

"Once we see them off," he told Spock, "I heard we might get shore leave for a little while."

"I expect the crew would appreciate that."

Kirk turned to look at Spock, who returned the look with a questioning eyebrow. After a second, the captain pointed an accusing finger at him.

"You're going."

"Captain, Vulcans do not require the sort of rest that shore leave entails."

When the doors opened, Kirk continued quickly down the hall, Spock lengthening his stride to keep up.

"You're going," he repeated definitively. "I'm not leaving you up here to work overtime while everyone enjoys themselves, especially when you're already the one who—Hello, gentlemen!"

Luckily for Spock, the conversation was temporarily halted as they entered the transporter room, the last of the emissaries and their families already arranged on the transporter pad.

Ali's father spoke for the rest; "Goodbye, Captain Kirk. We appreciate your hospitality."

There was a murmuring of echoes before Ali himself added, "Goodbye, Captain. Goodbye, Mr. Spock."

Kirk and Spock both inclined their heads before the latter offered a wordless Vulcan salute, which was answered with a smile from the boy.

As soon as the final six had de-materialized, Kirk rounded on Spock again.

"You're going on shore leave."

The Vulcan practically rolled his eyes—that respite had not lasted as long as he had expected.

"Captain, that is really quite unnecessary."


	5. Seams

Scotty was relieved to finally be able to beam the two landing parties up, as it meant he could get off the bridge and back to his bairns, but his relief quickly dissipated upon seeing only expressions ranging from exhaustion to frustration on the faces of the returned.

"How'd it go, then?" he ventured.

He was answered with a groan from the doctor and a shake of the captain's head. The rest of the first beam-up group simply began trudging out of the room.

"It's over, at least," Kirk sighed, placing a hand on Bones' shoulder—though his reassurance was meant for the crew at large, as well.

"Please tell me we never have to talk to those guys again," McCoy grumbled.

Kirk smiled despite himself. "Our agreement should hold, I think."

"Thank god for tha'," Scotty muttered as he guided the sliders down, materializing the last of the crew. They were obviously in just as good spirits as the last bunch.

They all started for the door, but Kirk suddenly moved to stand in front of it. 

"Hang on, everybody, hang on." He pointed at each man in turn, counting under his breath.

"There are too many people here."

Spock, who had beamed up with the second group, moved to stand beside the captain, ordering everyone to line up. He sounded somehow more stony than usual, but that was the focus of no one's attention, since it was immediately obvious who the newcomer was.

A tall, lanky human stood, looking rather confused, in the middle of the room. He was wearing Starfleet blues, but no one seemed to recognize him. His skin was heavily darkened by the sun, which had also flecked gold strands into his brown hair. His amber eyes, however, were Kirk's focus, as they seemed warm and profoundly familiar. 

Before the captain could even open his mouth, however, Spock had grabbed the man by the collar and was dragging him towards the transporter.

"Spock?" McCoy exclaimed. "What the hell?"

The newcomer was resisting, but could hardly hold his own against a young Vulcan. Kirk quickly inserted himself between them, holding out his hands and staring into the fury in his friend's black eyes.

"Whoa, whoa. What's going on? Who is this?"

"It's me, Jim," said a familiar voice from behind him, confusion evident in the usually stoic tone.

Kirk whipped around. "Spock?" Of course it was, now that he looked. Affection shone from those familiar hooded eyes, along with a fair bit of confusion and other emotions that he would never normally be allowed to see.

"Explain," he demanded, looking between them.

The first Spock stepped in front of the other version, who looked dolefully at the ground.

"I believe,  _ Captain _ ," he began, glaring at the other Spock as he emphasized the title, "it may have something to do with the council members planetside."

Kirk sighed. "They did mention they didn't like—"

"Halfbreeds," the first Spock sneered, interrupting. Other Spock cringed slightly.

"Goddammit," McCoy huffed. "The blasted transporter split somebody in half again."

"This is really getting outta hand," Scotty agreed.

"Human and Vulcan," Kirk realized with another sigh. "That's it. We're not leaving until they put Spock back together."

McCoy looked between the human and Vulcan versions of his friend and frowned. 

"Racist bastards," he muttered.

Was there an echo?

Vulcan-Spock was glaring at his human counterpart, who had… just echoed McCoy?

In response to Kirk's, McCoy's, and Scotty's collective stare, human-Spock simply gave his usual flippant head-tilt, only this time a cheeky grin accompanied it.

"Great," said McCoy. "Just great."

* * *

"Not a word to anyone about this," Kirk warned the remaining crew before leaving the transporter room. "I don't want any panic."

A chorus of yessirs, and the four—three?—of them marched quickly down the hall.

"Better get them to sickbay," Kirk said. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Human-Spock groaned at this announcement.

"Kroykah," his counterpart ordered. 

Kirk and McCoy silently agreed not to get in the middle of whatever that was.

Once there, Mr. Spock (as Kirk had decided to call the Vulcan version of his friend) sat stone-still on an examination table as he waited for McCoy to finish running tests on Just Spock—who refused to sit still for more than fifteen seconds. 

"Sit your ass back down," McCoy ordered for what was probably the fifth time.

Spock rolled his eyes and did so, but continued to drum his fingers and otherwise fidget irritatingly.

"Are… you okay?" Kirk asked, unable to hold it in any longer.

"He is fine," Mr. Spock answered for him.

Spock agreed with a thumbs-up, which was in no way reassuring. Where had he even learned that?

Bones was finally moving on to Mr. Spock, who was disconcertingly cooperative. Now that he really looked, Kirk should have known there was something off from the beginning. The full Vulcan's skin was paler, greener, his hair and eyes blacker and somehow more sleek than before, and even his face seemed more elfin; in his cold beauty, he resembled a marble statue more than he ever had before. The human, on the other hand… 

Was trying to escape.

"Hey!" McCoy pointed a finger at the retreating Spock. "One more step, and I hypospray you."

For a split second, he looked genuinely afraid, but then returned with a shrug, continuing to fidget as he sat across from his now-glowering counterpart. He grinned sheepishly.

_ My head's going to explode.  _ Kirk was sure of it.

"Will you settle down?" Bones grumbled. "Lord, you're worse than Chekov."

"I don't like medical stuff," the human replied stubbornly.

_ Stuff. Stuff, he says. _

Mr. Spock growled something in Vulcan again, probably something along the lines of "shut your face."

"Why the hell not?" exclaimed Bones. "I've never understood that."

"The human is simply being dramatic," Mr. Spock assured him pointedly.

"And why do you keep speaking for him?"

In a moment of daring, Spock piped up, "I spent most of my life in a lab, so I'd rather not spend more of it there, thanks."

Mr. Spock actually did growl that time. "You were always whiny about that."

"What's he talking about?" McCoy demanded, as if he wasn't talking to the same person.

"You do realize I'm the only Vulcan-Human hybrid in existence, right?"

"Not anymore," Mr. Spock tried to cut him off.

"Wait, wait." Bones stopped playing with his tricorder. "They  _ experimented _ on you?"

Both Spocks looked at him bemusedly.

"Barbarians."

Mr. Spock began defending science and logic again, but this time human Spock started arguing with him instead of McCoy (who was looking more and more disgruntled by the minute). When they both stood up, though, the doctor intervened. 

"Hey! None of that in my sickbay. Spock, you can go with the captain. I'll send Mr. Spock up when I'm done with him."

Kirk made no attempt to comment, instead simply heading out for the bridge. 

"Are we going to let the bridge crew know, then?" Spock asked.

"Might as well, you know how they are. They'll find out anyway."

In the turbolift, he stared sidelong at his friend, who was looking much more cheerful now that he was out of sickbay. This was the weirdest day of his life. Except for… oh, and—yeah, no, it definitely wasn't. 

Sulu vacated the captain's chair as soon as the lift doors opened, but frowned when he noticed the apparent stranger.

"Yeah," announced Kirk before he could say anything. "We have a situation."

Once he had everyone's attention—which, to their credit, was immediately-- he continued, "Listen, I know this is nuts—"

Raised eyebrows.

"But our friends downstairs seem to have split Spock into his human half and his Vulcan half, so I guess that's a problem we have now."

Spock stifled a laugh beside him, effectively drawing everyone's attention.

"Hi, guys," he said.

Chaos.

When the captain managed to regain everyone's attention, half the room was still repressing hysterics while the other half stared blankly. Several lights were blinking. 

"Spock, take care of that, will you?" Kirk gestured to the science station, from which Chekov removed himself with some effort.

"Stations, people," Kirk prompted. "Lieutenant Uhura, hail the council."

"Uh… yes, Captain." 

* * *

"Mr. Spock, there you are," said Kirk. "Did Bones get anywhere? The council said no, obviously."

"He did threaten them," added Spock, who received a feigned glare.

"I told you not to tell him that," Kirk grumbled.

Mr. Spock was staring between them both disapprovingly. No one else on the bridge was doing their jobs. 

"How's our orbit, Spock?" Kirk asked, hoping to redirect Mr. Spock's attention.

"Uh…"

Mr. Spock strode over. 

"Still at… 163,564.35 kilometers, sir," he answered, quickly doing the calculation.

Spock frowned. "I would've gotten it eventually."

"Eventually."

Everyone was suddenly very interested in their monitors.

The rest of Alpha shift continued in much the same manner, with Spock doing or saying something and being shut down by his Vulcan counterpart; it only got worse when McCoy sent them his data so they could run tests on it.

"We simply must persuade the council to restore us."

"We don't have to! We can figure something out if you just let me—"

"I fail to understand why we are even attempting this in the first place. I would be far better off without you."

By this point, no one on the bridge was moving, or even breathing.

"You need me—"

"Must we do this here?"

"You're being emotional—"

Crack.

Everyone jumped, turning to see the human picking himself up from where he had landed near Uhura and lunging at the Vulcan. They could only stare in shock as a nerve pinch sent the human back to the floor.

Kirk jumped to his aid, checking for blood and brushing wild human hair from his friend's forehead. 

"What the hell?" he shouted at the other, who was unfazed.

When no response was forthcoming, he muttered, "Clearly we need to separate you two."

"That would seem wise."

Kirk just glared again as he picked up the lighter man. "Remind me never to piss you off."

"I would never hurt you, Captain," responded the Vulcan with surprising sincerity; Kirk did not turn around.

* * *

"Dammit Jim, we haven't even left orbit! How the hell did you manage to get him knocked unconscious?"

"Why do you assume it's my fault!"

Bones just fixed him with a glare and started running the dermal regenerator over Spock's jaw, which he had already reset.

"Just hope he can shut up long enough for his jaw to heal," he muttered irritably.

"I'm separating them," Jim told him once his friend had calmed down as much as was possible for him. "They've been fighting all day, and now this. A fistfight on the bridge?"

"You telling me the hobgoblin did this? Wait, never mind. Of course he did."

Kirk didn't catch the rest of his muttering—something about self-destructiveness and ample use of the word "green." 

"Doctor?" Spock interrupted.

"Ah, ah, no!" McCoy waved a finger in the human's face. "Absolutely no talking until your jaw's healed."

"When—"

"I said shut up! And it's healed when I say it's healed."

Bones continued to stream-of-consciousness at him, making absolutely sure he couldn't get a word in edgewise and explaining in great detail why he and the other Spock would be taking turns on the bridge and in sickbay. Spock did not seem to mind.

"Well, I'm off," Kirk announced. "Gotta keep an eye on the other one."

Spock waved at him as he left. Waved. Oh,  _ come  _ on.

* * *

"Come  _ on _ ," he found himself saying to the Vulcan Spock barely an hour later. "Shift's over, come down to the rec room with me."

"Illogical, Captain. Without the human's interference, I can work for much longer. I must capitalize on the opportunity."

"Ugh, fine. But Uhura's going to be playing tonight, I'll get her to nag you to join her."

"My presence there depends solely upon my having finished these projects, Captain."

"Oh, you'll be there, then."

Actually, maybe it was better that Mr. Spock had not accompanied him, Kirk reflected upon spotting his human counterpart already in the rec room. He was seated with Scotty, Chekov, and McCoy, none of whom were on their first drink.

"Oh, thank god," said Bones when he noticed the captain. "Jim, take my cards. I'm out."

He slid over so that Kirk could take his place in the game. 

"You have a terrible poker face," McCoy added, laughing at Spock (who was doing a fair impression of his other self).

"I do not." He showed the doctor his cards, now that he was out. "See?"

McCoy just raised an eyebrow behind his glass.

"These are shit cards, Bones," Kirk complained. "Why'd you even give me these?"

"Ha!" Chekov yelled. Realizing what he had done, he attempted to pass it off as a cough—about three seconds too late. Scotty was starting to giggle.

Kirk rolled his eyes. "You  _ all _ suck at this."

By the time Uhura took the stage, Kirk was confident enough in his  _ greatly _ improved hand to pay only half-attention to the game.

"You going up there?" he asked Spock.

He shook his head. "Other me is better at it."

"Really?" He wouldn't have expected that.

That turned out to be true, as they later discovered when Mr. Spock did, in fact, join them in the rec room. The music was perhaps less soulful than it normally sounded, but maybe that was just Kirk's imagination.

* * *

"Dammit, Jim!"

Kirk glared at his armrest as if McCoy could feel it through the speaker. 

"What is it now?"

"He's  _ humming,  _ Jim. Make him stop!"

"Huh. What song?"

"Jim!"

"Well, what do you expect me to do about it? Just tell him to shut up."

"Shut up, Spock," he heard muffled from the other end.

"Ow!" Sulu yelled, bringing Kirk back to the bridge. He picked a cactus up from his seat. "Hilarious. Doctor, tell Spock he's not funny."

Kirk could hear McCoy groan. "Great, now he's laughing. Jim, you need to fix this right about now."

Stifling a grin, he promised, "I'll do my best," and clicked it off.

Vulcan Spock was glowering between him and Sulu, a disconcertingly familiar expression.

"Uhura, are we still hailing the council?"

"Continuously, sir."

"They better pick up soon."

Kirk didn't realize he was drumming his fingers anxiously on the armrest until he felt Mr. Spock's stare again. He glanced over, and the Vulcan was indeed staring.

"Bishop to E5," he said suddenly.

Kirk shook his head. "What?"

Mr. Spock raised an eyebrow, a gesture the human version had not seemed to be using. 

"Bishop to E5," he repeated simply, obviously deciding to be literal again.

"On the bridge?" Not that he minded, of course, but suddenly deciding to resume their pre-disaster chess game in the middle of alpha shift seemed a little out of character for the Vulcan.

Eventually, Spock deigned to elaborate. "I simply noticed that your mind is seeking focus."

_ Just go with it.  _ "Well, rook to A5, then."

* * *

"... Spock. Spock."

"Huh? Sorry, I didn't hear you."

_ Did the hobgoblin just apologize to me? Damn, I should've been recording  _ everything _. Idiot. _

"Uh, doctor?"

"Oh, yeah. Just came to see if you made any progress on the half-and-half situation."

Spock squinted at him. "The…? Oh. Nope. Nothing at all."

He turned back to the computer as if trying to deter McCoy from asking any more questions. Therefore, he decided to do the exact opposite.

"Methinks he doth protest too much," he smirked, sitting down across the table.

Spock rolled his eyes.  _ Camera, Leonard. Get one. _

"Of course you would quote the most over-quoted play in history."

He knew Spock was trying to change the subject, damn hob—human—but he took the bait anyway.

"Thought that title went to Romeo and Juliet."

"No, that's the most overrated."

"I resent that."

"Of course you do."

Once McCoy was sufficiently distracted, Spock sent his counterpart a message: "I have a plan. Meet in the transporter room after shift. Don't tell Jim."

"All right," said McCoy when Spock started humming again, "get outta my sickbay."

"What'd I do?"

"It's that infernal noise. Go get some sleep, dammit."

He was more antsy in sickbay than anywhere else, and clearly needed to relax.

"All right, all right."

* * *

Back on the bridge, Mr. Spock was turning his station over to the next shift. 

"Leaving, Spock?" Kirk asked, surprised.

"Of course, Captain. Alpha shift has ended."

"Never stopped you before."

When his friend left, he followed covertly.

The two Spocks met in the hallway and hurried on their way without speaking a word to one another; Kirk snuck behind them, ignoring the weird looks from other crewmen.  _ Oh no, _ he realized,  _ they're going to the transporter room _ . He ran after them, but by the time he reached the doors the beam of light was already fading. Rushing to the panel, he struggled to beam them back up, but only one transporter pad activated. It was the Vulcan—or was it?

Spock stepped forward and tilted his head. It was him.

"You idiot!" Kirk felt justified in yelling. "You can't beam down there alone, what were you thinking? Who was going to beam you back?"

Spock continued to stare at him. "I knew you were there, Jim."

* * *

A few days later, McCoy buzzed the bridge. "Uh, Jim?"

"Uh, what?"

"Did you leave a playlist on my computer?"

"Why would I do that?"

"You haven't heard this song?" He played something. 

"I don't think this is the comm's intended use," Spock interjected without turning around.

"That's cowboy music," said Kirk. "I don't listen to that."

"Yeah, I know," McCoy muttered. "It's one of my favorite—goddammit!"

"What, what?" Kirk leaned closer.

"Spock!"

Spock still did not turn around.

"Is this a goddamn mixtape? Of all the—"

Kirk couldn't stop laughing.

"Shut up, Jim! It's not funny, dammit!"

"Quit swearing over the comm," Kirk laughed, and closed the channel.

Spock finally turned around, expressionless.

Kirk pointed at him. "Just so you know, this is never going away."


	6. Is There in Beauty No Truth?

"Good god, boy, what's that thingamajig?" McCoy groaned as Chekov and Sulu entered the bridge carrying a large metal object. Kirk leaned around the doctor to get a better look.

"It ees a lie detector, sir! Keptin, request permission to keep it on ze bridge for a time."

Kirk looked suspicious. "Why?"

Chekov grinned. "An experiment, sir! To see vat happens."

Eyebrow raised, Spock interjected, "Captain, I strongly advise—"

"Hell, why not?"

* * *

"What's all this?" Kirk demanded, hands on his hips. The off-duty bridge crew hastily attempted to hide all evidence of gambling.

"Nothing, sir," said Uhura. "We were just—"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Starting a betting pool on who's going to last the longest without telling a lie. You in?"

"Who's the favorite?"

"Take a wild guess."

"It's Spock, isn't it."

"Bingo."

"What?"

"Just place your bet."

There was no way Kirk was betting on Spock to win, he knew that for sure. Uhura, maybe. Chekov? Probably not. Uhura it is.

"Who's betting on me?"

Silence.

"Aw, come on! You guys have no faith in me."

* * *

"So what happened with that girl on Zeta Gamma 5?" McCoy asked. 

Kirk felt a trap coming. "I told you last week."

"Humor me."

He shrugged. "We went back to her place, had a bit of fun."

Beep.

"What was that?"

"'S called a lie detector, Jim."

"Damn it!"

* * *

"This mission is absolutely vital," Admiral Kaer was saying from the viewscreen. He was interrupted yet again by a sharp beep. "I'm sorry—" beep— "but you and your crew are the only ones in the quadrant equipped to handle it." Beep.

Without removing his eyes from the screen, Chekov attempted to cover the lie detector's speaker with his hand. Sulu, who was gesticulating wildly under the panel, seemed to want him to shove something or other into the tiny holes.

"And what is that infernal beeping noise?"

Kirk raised his eyebrows. The rest of the bridge crew were still doing their best to not exist.

"I'm sorry, sir, I… don't hear anything," he said, glancing sidelong at Spock for help. Beep.

"That, right there. Is your equipment malfunctioning?"

"No, sir, the readouts are normal. Perhaps we are encountering interference of some kind."

Beep.

"Right," sighed the Admiral, "interference again. Well, you have your assignment. I'll be examining your report at length."

Beep.

"Of course, sir."

"Kaer out."

Kirk leaned back in his chair as the temperature in the bridge decreased measurably.

"Sir," Spock started, "I strongly suggest—"

Kirk ignored him. "I get the feeling this thing is going to start coming in handy around here," he said almost gleefully.

Spock contemplated the ceiling.

* * *

Kirk was not happy at being the first one out, so he was going to make  _ sure _ he won that betting pool at the very least. Step one: sabotage Spock. He knew good and well his sneaky First told all kinds of blatant lies—all he had to do was catch him in one.

The only problem, he reflected, tapping a finger on his armrest, was getting him to lie automatically, so that he'd forget about the lie detector. Maybe he could provoke him into an argument with Bones, or better yet, get him to repeat one of those obvious lies he keeps trying to— Perfect. He got up and pretended to wander around the bridge before lingering near the science station.

"Hey, Spock," he said casually. "Guess what? Found another tribble."

His friend practically whirled around to face him. "Captain, I must insist—"

"Oh, come on," he grinned, "Even I eventually got over having a pile of them dumped on me. I know you like those little guys too, you just pretend not to."

Spock huffed, obviously offended at the accusation—just as planned. He turned back to his console peevishly.

"Vulcans do not lie."

The beep sounded just as Spock stiffened, realizing his mistake. Groans echoed throughout the bridge.

"Ha!" Kirk shouted. "I got all you suckers!"

* * *

McCoy had invited himself back up to the bridge again for some reason, and was standing idly near the captain's chair, peering into the viewscreen as a slowly growing dot came into view.

"What the hell is that thing?" he said, despite Spock already having described in detail how unidentified it was.

"Space debris?" Kirk guessed. He had hoped the lie detector would tell him if he guessed right, but of course it didn't work like that.

Whatever it was, it started firing on them before they even got a good look at it.

"Evasive maneuvers!" ordered Kirk as alarms started going off.

McCoy grumbled and moseyed his way to the turbolift.

"I hate space," he muttered.

Beep.

"Ha!" Kirk shouted for the second time that day, turning in his chair to jab a finger in McCoy's direction. "I'm going to win this thing!"

The ship rocked slightly and he turned back before he had the chance to properly gloat over Bones's scowl.

"Oh yeah," he said, "let's head for shelter behind that asteroid."

* * *

"Nae problem at all, Cap'n. I'll 'ave it done in two hours!"

Scotty marched cheerfully off the bridge, but was interrupted by a beep. He ducked his head and deflated a little.

"… Half an hour, sir."

It was Sulu's turn to look triumphant.

"You might have competition, Captain," he warned with a grin. "It looks like I'm on track to win."

Kirk opened his mouth to retort, but before he got a chance—beep.

"What?" Sulu turned to gape at the machine. "How—no—"

* * *

Three days later, the bridge was almost completely silent. Kirk could almost swear he hadn't heard another voice all day apart from "Captain on the bridge," six hours ago. For the first time in recent memory, he thought very,  _ very _ hard about his words before he said them.

"Uh, crew… while that device _may,_ _possibly,_ be improving productivity—but I don't really know!—I think I am about to _figuratively_ explode from boredom. Chekov, do you know how to turn that thing off?"

Chekov nodded vigorously. Even he seemed eager to be rid of it.

"Yes, Keptin!" He reached down and fumbled around with it for a few seconds, stalling as he tried to find the switch. "Of course I know how to turn eet off… after all, zee lie detector was inwented in Russia."

The uproar that immediately exploded almost drowned out the machine's beep.

"No!" cried Chekov, looking devastated. "That's not a lie, eet's a joke! It doesn't count!"

He tried hitting the side of the device as if that would help.

"All right, that's it," declared Sulu once he managed to stop laughing. "This thing is going."

Kirk and Uhura shared a high-five as Sulu made for the turbolift.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Star Trek.
> 
> Also, please note that this work was posted by Ca Sha'riik on Fanfiction.com, as well. That is me. Do not be alarmed.


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